Friends of Ellison, Part 1

digresssmlOriginally published January 14, 1994, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1052

Since we have rolled into the New Year, I’ve made the resolution to try and do something nice with this column. After all, I wouldn’t want people to come to the conclusion that But I Digress is an entity that exists only to destroy.

Unlike some entities I could name—and which I now will.

Something that was a popular practice back in second or third grade was that of forming clubs as a means of hurting people. Either a bunch of kids would get together and form a group for the specific purpose of keeping a person, or a group of people, out. Or sometimes—it if was a particularly malicious little undertaking—a club was assembled specifically to get at someone.

This behavior generally ended somewhere around fourth grade, although the intense socialization would live on in the form of cliques and such. But the “clubby” aspect usually faded as maturity set in. Sometimes, though, there are some folks of repressed development and maturation who make it to adulthood with that same mindset—and that’s when you wind up getting something like this:

Somewhat to my astonishment, I received over my fax machine the other day a one-page flier. It carried with it the warning, “Please duplicate and distribute this sheet (provided no text is omitted).”

Ooo. I’m scared. I’m going to omit text.

EoE disingenuously bills itself as “Not an organization for those who wish to malign, harass, or assault Harlan Ellison. Just the opposite! EoE is for those who have been named as enemies by Mr. Ellison and have been maligned, harassed, or assaulted, purely because (in most cases) they spoke the truth or expressed skepticism re [sic] his reputation, craft, or self-promotional hype…

“If you’ve received death threats on your answering machine…if you’ve been referred to as a ‘wetbrain’ on nationally networked TV…if Mr. Ellison has threatened to ‘pop you one’ next time he sees you…if he’s promised to ‘sue you into oblivion’…then EoE is for you!

“To be eligible for full membership in EoE, you must be able to prove that you have been badmouthed, punched, sued, harassed, threatened, or lied to by Mr. Ellison…

“Every full member…receives a free bimonthly newsletter describing recent gratuitous threats and nasty behavior by Mr. Ellison…

“Every full member will be eligible to contribute anecdotes about Mr. Ellison to the forthcoming book, Harlan Ellison as We Knew Him, a memorial tribute in preparation. Full members will be offered copies at a 25% discount.

“Enemies of Ellison provides a warm sense of camaraderie. But more than that, it will crusade for truth and justice…”

There’s more, I assure you—much more that I have not reproduced here. It is truly an amazing piece of work; amazing in its presumption, amazing in its arrogance, and, most important, amazing in its cowardice.

Harlan Ellison has spent much of his life putting people’s noses out of joint. That is beyond dispute. Isaac Asimov, who loved Harlan dearly (and about whom Ellison cannot speak at length without becoming choked up, so evil an individual is he) summed it up most succinctly when he said, “He has no sense of tact whatever.”

With Harlan Ellison, you always know precisely where you stand. He does not prevaricate. He does not dissemble.

And he does not hide. And he’s not a coward.

That is the first, and most remarkable, thing one notices about the EoE: the stench of cowardice. They want your money ($14 for a full membership). And they want your anecdotes for a book that is apparently being designed as a “memorial tribute.”

There’s only one possible interpretation of that sentence: They’re waiting until Harlan Ellison is dead and then they’re going to attack him, just as one notorious comics magazine did with Carol Kalish. They are so dámņëd afraid of Ellison that they don’t dare take him on while he’s alive. Not even strength in numbers is sufficient.

It’s an amazing offer. In essence, gullible fools have the opportunity to pay to contribute to a book from which they will not share in any proceeds. Then, adding insult to injury (something in which they evidently excel), the EoE will sell copies back to the contributors, keeping a mere 75% of the gross for itself; attacking the deceased while profiteering at the same time. With enemies like these…

And even better: While he’s alive, they’re hiding behind a post office box with no person’s name attached (I mean, you know that I’m “To Be Continued, Inc.” But who are these guys?)

The man they condemn, the man they assail, the man they variously describe as “tyrannical” and “mad-dog,” is someone who has gone out there, time after time, fighting for the things he believes in. They may not be what you necessarily believe in. But he’s out there. And when he’s upset or angry about to something, he lets you know it, and you know he’s let you know it, because he’s put it in a column or he’s left a message or he’s spoken to you directly or he’s aired it on the Sci-Fi Channel.

The man they hold in such contempt does not engage in one of the single most contemptible actions that someone can take: anonymous attacks.

Harlan Ellison has too much class for that.

The “Enemies of Ellison”, on the other hand, do not—which tells you something right off about the “Enemies of Ellison.”

I mean, hëll, when a Todd McFarlane or Jim Valentino takes shots at me, they’ve got the guts to put their names in print when they do it. By the same token, when I rake people over the coals in this column, they know who’s done the raking.

But the EoE reveals itself in its very first offering as craven and gutless. Have its unidentified organizers earned the enmity of Harlan Ellison in the past? I would not be at all surprised, for these are the exact sort of cretinous little weasels with recreant mindsets that Ellison has so despised—loudly and repeatedly—through the years.

I also adore the notion that, in return for your $14, you’ll get “a free bimonthly newsletter”. Now, granted, you also get a badge, membership card, and certificate. The total cost of such chachkas should be somewhere in the neighborhood of under two bucks per set. That leaves $12 over for the “free” newsletter—and since it’s an annual membership, that means next year you get to cough up another $14 for another six issues of the “free” newsletters sans chachkas.

If the anonymous organizers of EoE have exercised this sort of sterling business tactic in other dealings, that also might have gotten them on the short end of Harlan’s critical stick. For Harlan Ellison does not suffer fools gladly. In a world where we should be endeavoring to raise people’s intellectual striving rather than sending them tumbling into the mud, Ellison’s attitude should be lauded rather than attacked.

Let me be perfectly up front here (something that might be alien to the EoE, if I haven’t already lost them). Harlan Ellison is a friend of mine. The first time we made contact was a number of years ago. In the pages of CBG, for the Holiday Supplement (it was before my column), I listed The Essential Ellison as a good potential Christmas gift in that yearly “Top Five” thing CBG always does. Much to my astonishment, he sought out my phone number and called me to thank me profusely for doing so.

He didn’t have to do that, nor was I expecting him to. And, I must admit—as so many have in the past—I’d heard all sorts of “horror stories” about Harlan Ellison. So it was with great wonderment that, over the past several years, I’ve made the increased acquaintance and friendship of one of the most exciting and challenging gentlemen it has ever been my pleasure to know.  God help me if I’m ever in the Los Angeles area and I don’t let him know, because somehow he will find out—and he will find out, make no mistake—and he’ll call me at the hotel and demand to know when I’m coming over to visit.

He has been a source of advice and inspiration to me since that first contact. Moreover, he took the time to write the introduction to the But I Digress trade paperback (on sale in February, kids!). This column owes its existence, as I’ve said in the past, to my endeavor to try to emulate him.

So I’m not exactly unbiased here.

When I first started the column and asked readers to suggest topics, several people wrote in (all unknowing of my friendship with Harlan) and said that I should write a column attacking Ellison. I wonder how many of these people actually had met Harlan. Had dinner with him. Chatted with him. Spent any time with him at all. Or did they simply believe—as, admittedly, I once had—the rumor and innuendo spread by the types of people who would organize an EoE?

Is Harlan Ellison a saint? God, no. Not by any means. But neither is he the single-minded “bombast[ic]” or “blowhard” individual that the EoE would portray.

So—how to deal with the lily-livered pismires of the EoE?

Here’s how.

I am announcing, right here, right now, the organization of my own group: the Friends of Ellison (or FOE). (I’d originally thought of calling it “Friends of Harlan Plus Also Susan”, which would have made it “FOH PAS”, but I decided that was a long way to go for a joke that only a handful of people would likely get.)

The FOE will exist for the purpose of disseminating stories about kindnesses that Harlan Ellison has displayed. To join FOE, simply send in instances of times when Ellison has made you laugh or made you think. Where he signed autographs for many hours or answered questions patiently and thoughtfully. Worked on behalf of a charity to help someone in need. The FOE would like to hear from fans, professionals, convention organizers, casual readers—everybody.

I will produce FOE buttons and send them to everyone who sends in anecdotes along the lines of the above. (Kind of the flip side of the “Stickler for Credit” buttons, I suppose. See? I destroy, and I also create.) Every so often, I’ll produce a column that lists the accounts of good deeds that Harlan has performed and will also send copies of the column to everyone who has joined FOE—a free newsletter, if you will.

How much to join? Nothing more than the 29 cents it will cost you to mail an envelope. Yes, that’s right: It’s free. Free as in “not costing anything,” rather than free as in “send us 14 bucks.” Free as in “I’m absorbing the cost of this myself, because I tend to put my own name and my own money behind those things I believe in.” Something that the Enemies of Ellison cannot claim.

Then again, the best things in life are free.

27 comments on “Friends of Ellison, Part 1

  1. Okay, so this is years late. BUT.

    When we lost Curt Swan and Robert Heinlein, it finally sank into my head that the people who create the works that enrich my life are real and therefore mortal. If I ever wanted to say ‘thank-you’, I had to actually go about doing it.

    One of my fellow fen had Harlan’s mailing address (never you mind just how). He very nicely gave it to me, and I sent Mr. Ellison a letter thanking him for the work that he’d done, for opening my mind, and for improving the quality of my life. I made certain to tell him that I wasn’t looking to become a pen-pal, and that I understood that he would not be able to reply. The idea was to thank him, not add obligations to his already busy life.

    He sent me back a personal reply, a kindness that I have never forgotten.

    I’ll miss him when he goes, but I have no regrets about leaving anything unsaid.

    He’s a mensch (he taught me that word. It’s someone who always knows EXACTLY how much to tip).

  2. I only have second hand anecdotes about Harlan Ellison, as I’ve never met him or seen him in person. But I have met and spoken to people who have. (Such as Peter David, or JMS of Babylon-5 fame). Invariably, these people speak of Harlan with great affection.
    .
    That said, the only negative second hand anecdote I heard sounded as though it could easily have been a misunderstanding. Essentially, person A says something nice to Harlan and either he misunderstands, or thinks person A is someone else, but chewed person A a new áššhølë.
    .
    To me, there were only three possible ways to read that situation.
    .
    1) Person A tells the tale badly and deliberately. He *was* being snide to Harlan, and Harlan correctly figured that out and reacted accordingly.
    .
    2) Person A tells the tale correctly, and Harlan leapt to an incorrect conclusion and reacted without all the facts.
    .
    3) The entire incident never happened, but person A likes to tell the story to slander Harlan for some reason.
    .
    Out of the three possibilities, only one has Harlan as the sort-of-mistaken bad guy in the tale, so I guess you could say that from statistics alone I’d still be willing to say he’s a good guy from what I’ve heard.

  3. Peter, I’ve wantedd to meet Harlan, and probably won’t get the chance in this life, but I’ve heard stories good and bad. From Nick Shapiro I heard of Harlan getting on an elevator mad and going ballistic on somebody he didn’t even know; dunno what set him off, and it doesn’t matter, because I can’t imagine Harlan having a bìŧçhfìŧ for no reason.

    There’s a tale of Harlan hitting on a tall blonde in barbarian leathers, asking her what she’d say to a little fûçk. “Hello, little fûçk…” That coulda been the same con Shapiro was at.

    But there are a lot more stories of his kindness toward fledgling writers, helping friends and being helped by them, fiercely defending his stories, suing those who stole his ideas and standing up for the work he’d done, to the point of taking his name off it. That’s the Harlan Ellison I love. The one who worked five seasons on B5, who wrote “Soldier” and Got his just due from James Cameron. The one who never gives up.

    1. The “Hello, little f@#$” line is an old joke form an old jokebook that predates the supposed incident. What’s interesting i that a number of people have claimed to have been a witness to it, far more than could possibly fit into an elevator and the location keeps changing…urban legend.

      1. I’m starting to think moreso urban legend than truth as well, Bill. I’ve heard the story from several different sources, particularly two friends here in Nahville who were supposedly there or heard it from someone who was. One said the girl in question was Poul Anderson’s leggy blond daughter, another said it this other, unidentified redhead… but while the story’s funny by itself, I can’t imagine it happening to Harlan. Woody Allen or Jack Black, maybe…

      2. .
        Well, there’s also option #3 here.
        .
        Harlan made that joke to a woman, but the woman was someone he knew. Several people who didn’t know who she was or that they knew each other then left the convention and set about telling their friends their “Bad Ellison” story.
        .
        Not a far fetched idea. I’ve even had something like that happen to me a few times.

      3. I was at a convention where Harlan spoke and this story was a big part of his talk–a local writer for a newspaper had repeated the story and Harlan was hoping he would be there because this guy had previously claimed to have witnessed it and had backed down under questioning from Harlan himself. Sadly, the guy was not there or I’d have a GREAT story to share involving evisceration and stuff.
        .
        Harlan mentioned that he had subsequently found the jokebook with the story and was looking forward to reaming out anyone who was passing this on as witnessed fact.

  4. I don’t usually read the reprints PAD posts here because I read them years ago in the CBG. But I did read this because I have a FOE button.

    My entry into FOE was my story of writing to Ellison, (through his publisher), about a question I has about the story, “Croatoan”. Harlan replied with a very thoughtful letter on his personal stationary which even had his phone number on it. I couldn’t believe that this man who had a reputation for having a short temper and does not, as PAD says, “suffer fools gladly” was willing to let some guy he didn’t know have his phone number. I obliged his trust by never calling it.

    And as I recall, Enemies of Ellison attempted a measure of damage control by changing their name to Victims of Ellison because Enemies of Ellison sounded like they were the instigators and not the aggrieved party they wanted to imply.

    I hope this column reprint is not a precursor of any bad news.

    1. Same here, George. Last few pix of Harlan I’ve seen, he hasn’t looked good, and I’m worried about his health.

  5. Man, I remember all of this – seems like it wasn’t 16 years ago! I could add my voice to the countless others that have had their lives changed and enriched by the man’s writings, but it would probably sound much the same as everyone else’s tune. What makes me smile whenever I think of Ellison or see a story about him is when he had his bit on “Sci-Fi Buzz” back in the day. He was commenting on the practice of Disney marketing their film adaptations as “Disney’s Tarzan” or “Disney’s Hunchback.” What warmed my heart was that he warned any parent that had kids watching that might get upset that you may want to turn him off. While he was justifiably pìššëd at The Mouse for “taking credit” for a classic work of literature, he knew little kids wouldn’t care about that and wouldn’t understand anyway. My oldest daughter (who was 6 or 7 at the time) was watching the show with me, and I thought of switching channels – but thought, no dámņìŧ. She should know these things. As Harlan wound up, I watched her back stiffen and eyes narrow. Finally she stood up and snapped, “He TALKS too much!” and marched out of the room. She was hardly traumatized, but later it did give us an opportunity to talk about people taking credit for something they didn’t create. Yes, she could still love Ariel and Jasmine and Belle, but just know that maybe Disney shouldn’t make it seem like they invented the stories they adapted.
    She’s a strong, independent and free-thinking young woman now. I can’t say that’s due to Harlan, but then again I have to thank him for the chance to teach her something.

  6. I think it was Dragon Con 96, when I was in the same room as Ellison, but didn’t meet him. My first wife and I had bought tickets to a dinner in his honor. A dinner that turned out to be a roast. I think it was during PAD’s segment that Ellison took the microphone to stress to us, “These are my friends,” in between laughs.
    .
    Amy was going to stand in autograph lines while I ran or played games. My memory is fuzzy, but she was going to get PAD’s autograph on a copy of Trancers IV for me, and I think Gaiman’s autograph on a copy of A Game Of You for herself. I may be mixing up cons.
    .
    The next day, she hit the dealer’s room looking for something by Harlan Ellison to get his autograph as well. She found a copy of Angry Candy and went to the autograph session.
    .
    She went through the line, and I wasn’t there so I don’t know whose line she went through first. But, when she got to the front, she thanked whomever and then started to go to the back of the parallel line. But, according to her, Harlan saw that she had something in her hands for everyone at the table, and directed her to slide across to get everyone’s autograph.
    .
    When she and I divorced, we each picked 10 objects / souvenirs / possessions that we had acquired while together. She and I agreed that these 10 were beyond discussion (items beyond those could be argued over if both of us wanted it.) If she chose it, she got it with no complaint from me, and vice versa. The signed copy of Angry Candy was one of her 10, and if I remember correctly, one of the first of them.
    .
    Theno

  7. I remember when this installment first appeared. I didn’t send my letter off due to Part II of this article which I won’t post a spoiler on. My letter would have read like this:

    When Forbidden Planet USA opened a second store in Manhattan, Harlan Ellison made an appearance to sign a collection of short stories that he edited and contributed to as a result of a WorldCon writers’ collaboration called “Harlan’s World.” I purchased a copy for a friend who couldn’t attend and spotted Harlan while several store employees set up his autograph table. I asked him if he could autograph it at this time or should I wait until his table was set up. Harlan said,”Sure, I’ll autograph it now. Besides, you’re so big you might hurt me if I don’t!” I then said,”No I wouldn’t. In fact, I have a great deal of respect for people who are shorter than me.” Harlan quickly said,”WHERE?” I figured that this was a defense mechanism he built based on years of documented bullying and ridicule so I continued in the hopes of letting him know that this wasn’t the case with me.”No, I do respect them…because they’re too close to my vitals!!!” He laughed and treated me like a newfound friend. So I can proudly say that I once made Harlan laugh on purpose.

    Like you, Peter, I’m constantly amazed at how some people refuse to see Harlan as a passionate human being whose only crime is giving a dámņ when he sees an injustice, regardless of whether others don’t recognize it as such! I guess clueless dweebs like the EOE (or VOE) never do!

  8. Over the years (since first encountering Harlan at the ’66 WorldCon), i have seen the man do things that i found reprehensible and things that were incredibly big-hearted and touching.
    .
    All at maximum volume. Which helps explain the incredibly diverse and strongly-held opinions about him. The man could not be subtle if he tried, it often seems.
    .
    (Kath may recall Atlanta’s Kim Morgan, of whom i first said, when a friend said she needed an on/off switch, no, she needs a volume knob.)
    .
    I’m not sure i would want to have the man for a friend, because it would be like being friends with a very large package containing equal measures of goodies and of nitroglycerine with a large DaGlo red target painted on it.
    .
    But if he were my friend, i wouldn’t regret it.
    .
    Love his writing – both fiction (mostly) and commentary (mostly).
    .
    Like him or hate him, your world will be a smaller place when he’s gone.

  9. There is the story that Ellison was present when L. Ron Hubbard made a bet with Asimov about creating a religion, and that’s the source of Dianetics/Scientology. Allegedly, Harlan claims he was there when it occurred.

    The story appears to be fanciful, as (a) in interviews with Asimov about Hubbard and Dianetics, Asimov never alluded to such a wager, and (b) Harlan would’ve been something like 12 or 14 at the time, and wouldn’t likely have been hanging around that particular group.

    1. There’s no consensus about the Hubbard/religion/money bet. Asimov’s role, however, is a spin I’ve never heard on the story.
       
      A common version of the story is that John W. Campbell, Jr., was the person who made the bet with Hubbard, as Campbell was an early champion of Dianetics in the 1950s. Later, Campbell and Hubbard would have a falling out.
       
      Curiously, Joe Haldeman has also been suggested as the other person in the wager, but that’s truly unlikely; Dianetics was published decades before Haldeman’s writing career was off the ground.
       
      The most common version of the story is that the bet made between Hubbard and Heinlein. However, it’s most likely not true. Hubbard may have said that if one wanted to get rich he would start a religion, but if he did, he said it in the late-1940s, not as a wager, but as part of a speech.
       
      The story of Ellison’s presence is just as fanciful as Asimov’s role in the tale. 🙂

      1. The version of this that heard was that it was a Worldcon in the early Fifties, and Asimov, Heinlein, Simak and a couple of other writers were all sitting around drinking with Hubbard. “We’re all gonna die broke if we keep on writing, my friends,” said Hubbard. “What we need to do is start competing religions. We’d all be as rich as kings in ten years.”

        And supposedly Isaac laughed and said, “Ron, you’ve had far too much to drink. That would never work.”

        To which Hubbard said, “Really?”

      2. The point being that this version of events apparently CAME FROM Harlan… but it’s not like i’d get a chance to ask him. And he is the second person I’ve been told claimed they were present, and I disproved the first.

        The one theory I’ve heard (and slightly similar to Miles’) is that Campbell apparently would hold bull-sessions in his offices, with Asimov, Hubbard, and other writers of the day (he published the sci-fi mag back then). The discussions would sometimes break down into longer discussions about how certain sciences would work, philosophy, etc, and that the idea that there was a wager probably came from those. Apparently, Campbell would sometimes come up with a plot hook on his own concepts and offer it to writers to run with.

        That, and everybody who hates on scientology loves spreading the story. Not that it doesn’t deserve being hated on.

  10. Harlan Ellison once kicked my puppy.
    .
    (Whoops… I’ve never owned a dog.)
    .
    Harlan Ellison once spat in my beer, then dumped it over my head.
    .
    (Dang… I don’t drink. And I’m a bit taller than he is.)
    .
    Um… Harlan Ellison once turned me into a newt! Yeah, that’s the ticket!
    .
    J. (Who got better)

  11. I was ‘the fan HE threw down the elevator’, & despite my & Harlan’s attempts, the story [& it *is* a particularly nasty story], it persists, in some vile version. The Truth is rather sweet.
    I knew Harlan from a kindness he did me back in ’76; in 1986, i had had to go into a 3-wheeled electrical cart. I asked to see him, knowing that if he didn’t know, some1 would take great joy in telling [hurting] him. So he came into the room where i was working, where Donald, my husband of 3 years, was also standing. He was shaken to see me sitting in that thing; we’d discussed disability in ’78, & i’d said i’d want to kill myself if i became wheelchair-bound – so you can understand why any gentleman [Harlan *is* gentle, towards those he considers worth friendship] would be distressed. I said ‘I’ve changed my mind.’ which he comprehended … & he smiled. We talked, he was friendly & pleasant.
    A few minutes later, he had to be somewhere, Donald had an appointment, & i needed to confirm something, so we split up & went our separate ways. At the elevator bank, i heard a gleeful voice cry, “At last! No husband *here *!” & was enveloped in a bear hug. Harlan had been polite back where i worked w/Donald – but now i was alone & he could greet me properly! After that enormous hug [gently, because my body had become fragile], we grinned & traded stories. Then he had to go, but it was a tremendous reply to a meeting i’d feared.
    An hour later, a frantic imbecile told me ‘Harlan just threw a lady in a wheelchair down the elevator shaft’!!! Ignoring the weight impossibility, which did *finally* die, this is Thee Lie Which Is Loved by the EOE. & i suspect 99% of the Harlan Ellison Horror Tales are the same; actual tales of Harlan’s kindnesses which have been overblown into cruelty.
    Because those are *SO* much more fun! Hurting Harlan doesn’t bother these guys – it is, in fact, a bonus to the cretins.

  12. Never met the man.
    .
    Ever.
    .
    However, he is directly responsible for one of the most memorable, valuable events in my college career, when the class I was in spent four days discussing “Repent, Harlequin, Said the Ticktockman.”

  13. I have read that Harlan won’t be doing conventions or appearances anymore due to failing health. When he sheds his mortal coil, a lighthouse will go out in the world.

    I saw him a couple times at book signings, and for the biography movie. Always entertaining, always cuts through crap like a lightsabre.

    I wish I had told him (during the usual Q&As) that although I like his fiction, I ADORE his essays. Especially about what happened to his Phoenix Without Ashes script: funny, frustrating, and at the end, fruitful.

    And I wish I had asked him my silly fanboy questions: What was Vastator, and what caused The Accident?

  14. I second met Harlan Ellison when I got a copy of “Doctor Who and the Genesis of the Daleks” (the one with the Ellison introduction, every Doctor Who fan knows it) signed at DragonCon 2001. I had been told that it was a big mistake to bring it with me, that Ellison hated signing books he only wrote the introduction to and would no doubt ream me out in patented Harlan Ellison fashion for the supposed offense.
    .
    I brought it up, and apologized in advance for asking him to sign something he didn’t write, and started to explain the sentimental value of the book (it was the first thing I’d ever read by Ellison.) He cut me off with a simple, “It’s OK, I wrote it, I’ll sign it,” and proceeded to sign both that and “The Essential Ellison”. I still have, and still treasure those books.
    .
    The first time I met Harlan Ellison…a little explanation. DragonCon 2001 was the first time my girlfriend and I met face to face, and she tossed me in at the deep end of that relationship by bringing along her four-year-old daughter and most of her social circle. The first morning of the con, before daycare opened, we went to a reading by Ellison…and little “Peek” (her nickname) tagged along. We explained to her that she needed to be very quiet and not interrupt, and she said she’d be good.
    .
    Ellison explained that the story he was about to read was inspired by a drawing of Ronald Colman from “Lost Horizon” finding a McDonald’s instead of Shangri-La. He started to go around the audience, showing the picture to everyone, and Peek exclaimed, “McDonald’s!”
    .
    Now Peek has always had very curly hair, and at the time it was extremely blond. It fell about her face in little ringlets, neatly framing her chubby little cheeks in a very adorable fashion. I mention this not to brag about the cuteness of my daughter, but to explain why Harlan Ellison stopped short and shouted at the top of his lungs, “OH MY GOD it’s Shirley Temple!” He then looked at my girlfriend and said, “Careful. She grew up to become a Republican, you know.”
    .
    My girlfriend joked about how kids need to rebel, and Ellison went on showing the picture. As he moved back to the front of the stage, Peek looked at her mommy and said, “He’s silly.” She just chuckled. Knowing his ferocious reputation, she said, “Yeah, you tell him that.”
    .
    And so she did. Quick as a bolt of lightning, she jumped up, ran to the front of the audience, and said to Harlan Ellison, ferocious terror, terrible person, and all-around meanie, “You’re silly!”
    .
    Harlan Ellison looked at the audience, sighed, and said, “And all this time, I thought I was profound.” He then proceeded to make goldfish noises for Peek before allowing her mom to collect her and bring her back to our seats.
    .
    Any time someone says something mean about Harlan Ellison, I just remember those goldfish noises.

  15. So here’s my Harlan Ellison story. This was a few years ago, I was attending the Motor City Comic Con, and Harlan Ellison was one of the big names I was going to see. I was in line to have him sign a couple things, and to try not to gush or sound like a fan boy. Ellison was eating as we went through the line as it was around lunch time. The guy in front of me is trying to have some banter with him. Most of their conversation I forget, but the guy didn’t seem to enjoy the fact that Ellison was eating. Made a few offhand remarks, and then asked for Ellison’s brownie. To which Harlan Ellison hands the guy back his stuff and says “Get the fûçk out of my line,” gesturing wildly in the direction of the exit. Of course I’m next, and wasn’t sure what to say so I handed him a couple things to sign, and started to apologize for the guy and Ellison looks at me and says “Don’t fûçkìņg apologize for him. He doesn’t deserve an apology,”…or something to that effect (this statement here has been fuzzied by the ethers of time, but the “Get the fûçk out of my line,” that is burned into my memory). We then had a nice, albeit brief conversation, he signed my stuff, and I walked away having met a legend in the Science Fiction community and getting a great story too.

  16. Alex Buchet says: “The bottom line:
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    I told the truth.
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    Peter David lied.
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    Nothing’ll change that, you know?”
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    Alex, you’re talking out of your ášš. Please pay attention to this quote from the actual BID column in question.
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    “Now… there’s one of two possibilities here.
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    –Either Groth fabricated the letter himself.
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    –Or else he received it from someone else and desperately ignored every warning sign of its bogus nature.”
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    The best you’ve been able to do here is claim that the likely culprit is Sobocinski while sourcing the history of her misdeeds against Groth to an article written in the oh so credible (that’s sarcasm by the way) TCJ. He’s stated that he doesn’t believe her to be the writer of the letter in question. He’s also stated that he would put his money on Groth if he had to point to someone as the writer of the letter or someone who was involved with the creation of it in some way or another.
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    Two things with that. Your pointing out that someone else wrote the letter isn’t a new idea to the discussion since Peter himself has allowed for that from day one. Of course, even if Peter had not allowed for that himself it would mean absolutely nothing to have you bring up Sobocinski since your suggestion that she is a strong contender for the letter writer is merely your opinion and not a fact.
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    But the fact is that even if Groth was not involved with faking the letter he acted like either (1) a world class idiot or (2) an opportunistic ášš who knew he had a fake letter but decided to use it to grind his personal ax. Peter (amongst other people) had made Groth look like a jáçkášš quite a bit in that particular period of time and, as Peter noted in the BID column, he had just ripped a new one in Groth by ripping the cowardly “Enemies of Ellison” that Groth was a cofounder of. Really, the best that can be said here about Groth is that he ignored countless red flags and failed at every level of intelligence and journalism. But while Groth has in the past proven to be crass, a lowlife áššhølë and one to grind an ax to ridiculous levels; he has shown in the past that he is not quite as stupid as he would have had to be to have fallen victim to the faked letter.
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    Of course, if you feel that Groth is just brick stupid then please feel free to say that Groth is in fact as dumb as a rock. Doesn’t change anything though and still doesn’t make Peter a liar. Or, to quote Peter-
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    Peter David: “For what it’s worth, Sobocinski came up to me at a convention after my column saw print and assured me she didn’t send it. I have no reason to disbelieve her, and no reason to believe anything Groth says. And in the extremely unlikely event that she was involved, the only one who was victimized was Groth, who did it to himself.
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    Let’s look at that last line again.
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    “… Groth, who did it to himself.”
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    No lie there no matter who you think wrote the thing. But you’re just going to insist that Peter is wrong and telling a lie because that evil Sobocinski woman really did it and he doesn’t think that she did. Again, as I stated above, those are opinions based on what Peter knows of Groth and from their past encounters and not expressions of fact. It may be the likeliest probability, but it is still just his opinion and that’s how he’s presenting it here; as his opinion. You seem to have trouble understanding that your opinions are not facts and that the opinions of other that you disagree with are not lies. (Hey, what do you know… You may have a promising career in your future at TCJ after all.)
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    Groth either fabricated the letter or he allowed his personal feelings for Peter get in the way of doing the most basic kinds of fact checking before once again making a public ášš of himself. Sobocinski, writer of the letter or not, is irrelevant to the equation. I could write a letter to CBG tomorrow claiming to be Groth and if the CBG editors print it and, even better, respond to whatever slanders I write by ripping Groth a new one without doing the most basic checking on the authenticity of the letter like contacting Groth then it ain’t my fault. It’s their fault for being stupid or blinded by their feelings of dislike for Groth.
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    Same here. Groth was an idiot yet again who did an incredibly stupid thing yet again. Pointing that out is not a lie and stating that you lean towards Groth being a knowing participant in the fraud based on past actions of Groth isn’t a lie either. All of your attempts to claim otherwise don’t change that no matter how much you at like an ignorant ášš about it.

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