Swiss Miss? Really? REALLY?

Posted By: Peter DavidPosted On:

Okay, look, I like pun names as much as anyone else and probably more than is healthy.

But a new villain has been announced for the Spider-Man musical who has a costume composed of Swiss Army knives, which I suppose can be pretty vicious.

And her name is Swiss Miss?

Look, I desperately want to see the musical be a hit, if for no other reason than that it’s always fun to see nay-sayers get it in the teeth. But really, if it’s a villain, and you’ve got two and a half hours to establish her as a threat, naming her after a brand of hot cocoa really isn’t the way to go. Unless they’re going for full-blown camp, in which case, well, okay, good luck with that. It didn’t serve Superman’s Broadway musical well in 1966, and that was back when superhero camp was big. Campy musicals can succeed, but they typically need smaller, preferably off-Broadway venues. On Broadway, reaction to camp usually comes in the form of derision or disgust. Just ask the audience members who walked out halfway through “Dance of the Vampires.” (Kathleen and I saw it twice; we’re just that twisted, and the show was that much of a train wreck that we had to see it a second time to confirm what we saw the first time.)

There’s gotta be better names for her. “Blade” is obviously a no-go, but maybe Cutter? Slice-And-Dice? B-Sharp? Just…not cocoa.

PAD

56 comments on “Swiss Miss? Really? REALLY?”

  2. [sorry, hit return by accident]
    .
    I was really hoping that a musical based on THE FEARLESS VAMPIRE HUNTERS (OR, PARDON ME BUT YOUR TEETH ARE IN MY NECK) would at least be entertaining. What, in your opinion, went wrong with it?

    1. Michael Crawford.

      He insisted on reqrites to make his character less funny.

      Jim Steinman wants a hit Broadway show so bad he can taste it. He missed with this, he didn;t get the credit he deserved for Whistle Down the Wind, and he’s been working on a Bay musical for a couple years now.

      He was going to do the music for the batman musical, and there’s a couple songs he demoed on his website. MeatLoaf reacorded two of them on Bat3.

  3. Is she supposed to be a real villain, or a joke villain like The Kangaroo or The Grizzly? Spidey has a long history of joke villains who show up for 2 pages, get knocked unconscious in one punch, and that’s all we see of them that issue.
    .
    Even Spidey 2099 had that. I don’t believe Bloodsword’s first appearance was more than a few pages, and his second appearance starting playing with his name for jokes.

    1. I always assumed that Bloodsword, who later took the name Bloodhammer, was Peter’s way of riffing on Rob Liefield’s tendency to name a number of his properties with the word “blood” in it.

  4. Just go the 90s route, and call her FUTILITY. Names don’t have to be descriptive or indicate anything at all!

    1. I hope you’re being funny. “FUTILITY” has great descriptive and indicative content. Need I point out it is both “F.U.” and “Utility?” That has to be the most brilliant name suggestion.

      I’m still wondering if “Swiss Miss” will have minimarshmallow bombs (that do absolutely nothing but foam a little).

  5. My disappointment with Dance of the Vampires was partially based on feeling like it didn’t go quite far enough with the camp. I think I could have liked it as serious gothic horror or as the full Rocky Horror, but it didn’t strike me as quite at home in either.

    Of course, I’ve had a hard time hearing “Total Eclipse of the Heart” without bursting out laughing ever since then. And that was before the literal video.

  6. Hey. Swiss Miss can be insanely dangerous. Death by Chocolate. Although for my money, I’d want to see the performance be based on that old live-action Japanese Spider-Man show with the giant robot. You can never go wrong with giant robots.

    Also, stupid question, but no other way to get it to you- PAD, would you be willing to let me interview for my master’s thesis on how new technology and new media is changing the business of writing? Your book with Coheed and Cambria is part of what inspired me to look at how Authors are taking on new responsibilities, so I’d love to get you into that paper.

    1. I guess. I mean, I don’t understand a lot of the new technology and media, so I don’t know that I’m the ideal candidate, but whatever.
      .
      PAD

      1. You’re the best. I promise I won’t ask anything you can’t answer. Should I post a list of questions here or is there some you’d rather I contact you?

    1. Indeed. This is a silly name for a character and is much more like what Spidey would *call* her as a taunt.

    2. No trademark violation. “Swiss Miss” instant cocoa dates back only to the 1950s. Laurel and Hardy had a movie called “Swiss Miss” in 1938. And neither one is a comicbook character.

      1. In this case, one can say that it’s another fine mess they’ve gotten themselves into.

        Sorry, but somebody had to do it, and as Peter didn’t…

  9. Well, if it was chocolate that hides undtil you hit a button, she could be Swiss Blade. You know, like switchblade, only Swiss, and–hey, where’s everybody going? What is that you’re muttering?

    When did the guys with butterfly nets get here?

    I don’t even wanna think where the tweezers are going to be.

    1. The Tick actually went several better and had to face the entire Swiss Army, who were armed with various giant-sized knives with unusual attachments. But I seem to recall they were just s throwaway gag, and not the major villain of the episode (of the cartoon) they appeared in.

  11. Just because the name is campy doesn’t mean that the character has to be. The campiness of the name, in fact, could be ironic, as long as she is established to be a genuine threat.
    .
    Creating an ironic dichotomy between dangerous or evil characters or stories with deliberately innocuous-sounding names or story titles is not new. A bunch of James Patterson’s novels about serial killers and other looneys, for example, have titles taken after nursery rhymes.
    .
    The authorities’ nickname for Francis Dolarhyde in Red Dragon was the Tooth Fairy.
    .
    Hëll, even real-life media do this sometimes with actual dangerous criminals, as with that sexual predator who was dubbed the “Gentleman Rapist” by the media. (Though admittedly this is more along the lines of just plain tastelessness than deliberate narrative irony, since this was a real guy, and not a fictional character created to entertain or thrill an audience.)
    .
    My point is, if a character is established properly, a campy name, in and of itself, won’t render the character campy.

    1. I guess I’m the only one who liked Dance of the Vampires. (Yeah it wasn’t a great show, but the I liked the music, even came out humming some of it). I’ve seen far far worse including some shows that got better reviews.

      1. Oh, we loved “Dance.” I mean, let’s face it: a train wreck is pretty spectacular. You just sit there going, “Wow!” And this was even better because no lives were lost (although no careers were helped.)
        .
        PAD

  13. “Swiss Miss” sounds like a terrible name. Maybe they’ll go camp and make some sort of league or group of villains. (The Fattening Five?) Here are some thoughts, off the top of my head, to join Swiss Miss

    Vienna Fingers (safecracker, maybe metal fingers)
    Nutter Butter (can hit people with chunks of peanut, or slick the ground with butter)
    Almond Joy (not to be confused with her twin sister Mounds)
    Hot Tamale (fire power activate!)

    Hey, they started it with Swiss Miss. Sounds like something from AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE.

    1. Pretty much exactly what they did with the villains in the movie “Hudson Hawk”, who were all named after candy bars. Remember what a huge hit that was?

  15. I’m just saying it’s adding to a train wreck when they feel they have to make up a completely new character…and the costume is lame…and the name is lame…

    Remember, the reason Spider-Man 1 & 2 were successful (and while 3 was financially successful due to coasting from 1&2, critically it wasn’t, and they’ve decided to reboot the movies) was that Raimi et al in general understood what had worked in the comics and went with it. Not panel by panel ala Watchmen, adapting what needed to be adapted for movies, but still true to the gist of the comic. “Swiss Miss”? Um, no. And the Green Goblin and Swiss Miss costumes aren’t thrilling me either.

    1. I’ve learned never to judge costumes by still shots. They’re meant to be seen in action. Remember how early pictures of Heath Ledger as the Joker hit the Internet and how cries of “Lame!’ swept the land? For that matter, fans decried Michael Keaton’s “Batman” costume when pictures of that circulated. “It’s supposed to be gray, not black! Where’s the shorts?!” By the time “Dark Knight” came out, fans were lauding that film as a “back to basics” film even though the costume was basically the same as the Keaton version.
      .
      So I honestly don’t care what the Goblin costume looks like until it’s on stage and in action.
      .
      PAD

      1. .
        Hëll, for that matter you can look at the recent night and day comments about Thor on entertainment sites. The early still pictures came out and a lot of people were freaking out about how bad the film looked and how bad it would be. The Destroyer pictures were getting ripped to shreds.
        .
        Then everyone saw the teaser trailer and the same people were raving about how great everything looked.

  16. Given that it’s a musical, if the producers of the show want a campy villain for Spidey, wouldn’t the Hypno Hustler be quite apt?

  17. Pingback: SPIDER-MAN Musical Details Surface on ‘Good Morning America’ | K e s s l e r K o m i c s

  18. While I don’t really think a superhero musical is a good idea, I do TRY never to have the “fanboy outrage” reaction to stuff like this, simply because of above-mentioned lessons learned after the 1st Keaton/Burton Batman.

    But Swiss Miss IS a doofy name.

    2. If they can make a great super villain musical (Dr Horrible), they can make a great super-hero musical. It all depends on the talent that is involved.

  20. I’m a bit curious about what her name would imply about her possible role in the play. When Spider-Man and the Green Goblin are having their big fight does she show up, declare her neutrality, and proceed to throw knives around without hitting anybody? Seems kind of counterproductive.

    1. .
      No, she shows up for the fight, draws her throwing knives and spends the next to minutes being completely unable to hit her target.

      2. If they can just give her the line, “I can open a can of beans with this … in a week,” I may have to get really good seats.

  21. What I don’t understand is why you would put all this money, work, and time into making a musical on an established character…. and then totally make up a random villian especially when Spider-Man is known for having some of the most colorful, diverse, and showy villians in comics. It just doesn’t make sense to me at all.

    I mean why not go with Electro and put on a dazzling light show, or Mysterio and larger than life set and prop designs, or if you just wanted a sexy female temptress the Black Cat. I mean come on…

    1. “What I don’t understand is why you would put all this money, work, and time into making a musical on an established character…. and then totally make up a random villian especially when Spider-Man is known for having some of the most colorful, diverse, and showy villians in comics.”
      .
      Why not? There are several established villains in the play already. Why not throw in a new character?

      1. For some1 whose gimmicks are swiss army knives? Maybe it’ll be funny, but I’m not holding my breath.

  22. Maybe something that references the worthless toothpick, tweezer and/or the ubiquitous nail file

  23. Of course, the central issue isn’t this one character but whether or not the play will be camp — and I bet it will be. In terms of action they’re competing with the amazing cgi of the three movies (not to mention all the comic book fans who spent years imagining Spidey dodging bullets and swinging between buildings), and as for drama I doubt folks’ll turn up to see a nerd with glasses and a sweater vest (and who lives with his old aunt) act geeky while possessing amazing powers. I think camp’s the only way to go. I’m also skeptical it’ll be good, but we shall see.

    1. Not with Julie Taymor directing and U2 doing the music. I think they’re most likely going for a sort of avant-garde, expressionistic rock musical, with superpowers. Which sounds cool to me, even though I don’t like U2 (or Spider-Man, for that matter).
      .
      They’re not exactly competing with the movies, because, really, who goes to a Broadway musical for the action sequences?

  24. The problem with “Swiss Miss” is that it’s a bit geographical.

    If the show wants to go anywhere else than Broadway will the change her name to something that makes sense in other countries?

    See, I don’t live in America, and I know little of this cocoa for which she has been named.

    1. Let’s face it, if the biggest problem the show has is that it’s so successful that they’re wondering what to rename Swiss Miss for European productions, I think Marvel and the producers will be pretty happy with that.
      .
      PAD

  25. I think I can sense a wanna be Wicked vibe here to some extent. In that respect I’m willing to hold judgement until the show hits the UK if it ever does.

    Still the one song I’ve heard so far seems bland. I guess we will have to wait and see how the others fare. Lets remember this is a musical and not a film adaptation. This will appeal to a completely different crowd than fanboys.

  26. Swiss Miss??? As Robbie the Robot would say, “Warning… danger Will Robinson… Warning… danger Will Robinson…”

Comments are closed.