Ask the Self-Proclaimed Experts

Originally published January 8, 1993, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #999

It would seem that the pages of Comics Buyer’s Guide Price Guide will be carrying a new column–or rather, a revival of an old one from Comic Collector–called Ask the Experts, in which fans will be invited to write in questions that will be answered by pros in the industry. The esteemed Don and Maggie asked if I would be interested in contributing to it, with the first question being “What is a day in a writer’s life like?”–which had previously been answered by Marv Wolfman. (The Marvelous One’s example was sent along.)

Now I figure, what the heck, I’ll probably participate. I mean, heck, I’d donate a kidney if Don and Maggie asked me to (not one of my kidneys, mind you).

But it occurs to us here in the skyscraper headquarters of But I Digress that experts’ answers frequently pale compared to the thousands of experts out there in the world of comics.

Yes, I’m talking about those authorities who wander through comic stores or conventions or letters columns, giving the latest inside information that they swear is absolutely true. Undeterred by facts, they cite mysterious sources and claim full knowledge of the innermost workings of every aspect of the comics world.

My personal experience goes as far back as Marvel’s premature release of the Return of the Jedi movie adaptation to the direct market, an act which–according to a number of “confirmed” rumors floating through the grapevine–so infuriated George Lucas that Marvel fired nine people in the sales department as a result.

At the time, the Marvel direct sales department consisted of exactly three people: Carol Kalish, Sandy Schechter, and me. So if Marvel had fired Carol, Sandy, and me, there was three. They could have fired the VP of sales, so that would have been four. Possibly they could have fired Publishing VP Mike Hobson, editor-in-chief Jim Shooter, and the editor of the book (Archie Goodwin, I think). That’s seven. To fill out the “confirmed” nine, they might have had to start firing people in the subscription department.

No one was fired over it, of course. Which didn’t stop people from calling me with consoling messages since they’d heard about the Lucas-ordered head-rolling.

And it goes up to the most recent “confirmed” rumors that “Peter David had Larry Stroman fired off X-Factor because he hated Stroman’s art” (yeah, right) and the widely reported “Dale Keown was fired off Incredible Hulk because he’s working for Image” (when in fact Dale resigned off the title weeks before Marvel even knew about Pitt, citing “burnout.”)

So I think it would be much more interesting if, instead of reviving Ask the Experts, CBG Price Guide gave the comics-collecting Cliff Clavins of the world their own forum, and introduced–

Ask the Self-Proclaimed Experts

We asked Mort W., largest customer of “Comics Whiz-Bang” in Freehold, New Jersey:

“What is a day in a writer’s life like? What hours does he work? Where does he work? How does he go about putting a comic together?”

Mort replies:

Well, I’m glad you asked me that. On a typical day, Peter David wakes up, like, 10 or 11 o’clock in the morning. He’s got a butler who’s just like the one in Arthur, and the bath is already drawn with a croissant and two eggs over easy by the side of the tub. He never has to worry about his kids because they’re all off at boarding school, except for the baby and he has a nanny who takes care of her.

He goes to his office at noon. He’s got this big studio custom-built behind the house with a Jacuzzi and hot tub. There he calls up–let’s say, on Hulk, for example–he calls up his editor, Bobby Chase. And Bobby, he tells David what that month’s issue is going to be about. Like, “This month you have to do a story that brings back the Juggernaut.” And then David writes a story that’s, y’know, a page or two long that says, “The Hulk runs into the Juggernaut and they have a big fight, while stuff happens with Betty and Rick and Marlo back home.” It’s real loose. And then the artist writes the rest of the story, does all the artwork, and writes the dialogue in between the panels. The artist then sends the art pages to David.  Then David retypes the artist’s dialogue and draws in where the balloons are supposed to go, maybe adding a word here or there. By this time it’s maybe three p.m., and he knocks off for the day.

Oh, they pay him by the page. I hear, like $500 a page or something.

From that money, he hires someone to write But I Digress for him.  And he farms out his novels, too.

***

We asked Sam M., largest customer of “Another Dimension” comics in Albany, New York:

“How does the editorial process work at Marvel? How do books get published? How does the approval systems work?”

Sam replies:

It all goes through Tom DeFalco. Everything. Every word. Every syllable. DeFalco reads every plot and demands changes. And every single change is for the purpose of making the story worse, because he’s so jealous that everyone writes better than he does that he wants to tear them down. DeFalco reads all the scripting that comes in and changes the word balloons, and sometimes mixes them up. You know when you think there was a production error? It wasn’t a mistake. DeFalco insisted it be put in there on purpose, just to make the comic book look bad.

DeFalco knows that everyone hates big crossovers, but he insists that Marvel keep doing them because he hates the fans, because he knows the fans don’t like his work and he wants to get back at them.

And DeFalco promised all the guys at Image big raises and their own imprint and everything and then went back on the whole deal, and that’s why they went off and created Image. And now Marvel’s market share is down to, like, 3%, and I hear they threatened to fire DeFalco unless he lets Marvel Comics be good again. So you might see some improvement.

But don’t count on it.

***

We asked Taylor S., the largest customer of “Comics Cascade” in Seattle, Washington:

“Who’s the hardest working man in comics today.”

Taylor replies:

Joe Duffy. He’s doing this self-publishing “Blue Sky Blue” thing. He’s working his butt off. And I have tremendous respect for him after the job he turned in on The Punisher. He’s the hardest working man in comics, definitely.

I hear in his off-hours, he’s having an affair with Terry Austin–’cause I hear she was real upset when Chris Claremont married some guy.

***

We asked Jack B., publisher of Just the Facts, Jack comics newsletter, about whether Superman is indeed going to come back grim and gritty, or whether–as John Byrne was wondering–whether “anyone outside Peter David really think(s) the resurrection will leave us with a Superman noticeably different from the one we know so well?”

Jack replies:

Well, y’see, that’s the question that the people at DC are asking themselves. What they’re trying to figure out is, just who is the Superman that we know so well.

I mean, when I think of Superman, I think of the guy I grew up with, who was so noble and so pure that he swore that he would never, ever, kill anyone or anything.

But other, newer readers–they know the Superman who took it upon himself to execute three Kryptonian villains. Oh sure, you can argue that that story was done so that Superman’s code against killing seemed to have come from somewhere rather than out of the blue.

Then again, I seem to recall something about a commandment (one of 10, collect ’em all) about not killing. A shame that His Word wasn’t good enough for the hero who was once the highest moral bastion in comics.

Even though Superman ultimately decided that the killing wasn’t justified, hundreds of thousands of Vietnam War protestors (for example) were able to make that same statement without having killed someone themselves. Some became fugitives from justice rather than take a life, even though it would have been government-sanctioned. The Amish (as another example) won’t fight at all, under any circumstance.

Saying “I’ll never kill again” isn’t remotely the same as saying, “I’ll never kill.” The Superman I always knew never had to make that distinction.

If you want to look for corruption of Superman’s moral high ground, if you want your precedent for a grim and gritty Superman–someone who killed when he felt it was warranted–you don’t have to look any further than right there, at Superman #22. And as soon as DC manages to figure out what the Superman “everyone knows” is, they can determine which way they’ll go from there.

Who wrote that “Superman kills” issue?

Wait, lemme check…

It was…

Whoops. Next question.

***

Zack S., largest customer of “Comics Arena” in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, was asked:

“What’s the best way to break into Marvel Comics?”

Zack responds:

The better you are, the less chance you have. They’re not looking for really talented people.

There’s this policy in force now. They’re not hiring anyone that’s really good, because they figure that any really good people will find up going to work for Image. They’re terrified of Image. They’ve already decided that they’re not setting up at any conventions that Image is set up at.

And they figure, why give people any sort of exposure so that they can then get real hot and work for Image? So what they’re trying to do is lower the talent pool. They’re hiring only guys with real lame styles who don’t know how to draw anatomy and don’t draw backgrounds. And if there’s any shred of decent penciling on the page, they hire bad inkers to come in and wreck the stuff so that it looks even worse.

That way they figure that they won’t give Image any new talent to raid, and they hope that that’ll make Image go away.

So if you’re any sort of decent artist, you should be trying to break in at DC, because Image doesn’t care as much about them yet. Don’t bother with Marvel.

The only way to get in at Marvel is if you grease DeFalco’s palm. Then he’ll get your stuff shown around, and maybe even get you a decent inker assigned.

Where’d I hear that from?

I know this guy who knows this guy who spoke to a guy named Sam in Albany–and, believe me, nothing goes on in this industry that this guy doesn’t know.

(Peter David, writer of stuff, once again makes more friends in the industry.)