As Alesse entered her trance, her cerulean orbs faded into clear crystal, which always unnerved Woeisme since it made her aunt’s eyes look like hard boiled eggs with small rotten parts at the center. Too gross for words.
Images stuttered through Alesse’s brain, like an old film strip that had fallen off the take-up sprocket and the frames didn’t line up on the screen and the projectionist had to rethread the film through the projector while the high school students started talking about girls and boys and football and those weird Sullen kids who played with their food and only went outside when it was raining. Or so the old stories went. That was back when Bela went to Foforks High and tripped over things that weren’t there. That was when Alesse realized she was directing her thoughts in the wrong direction and felt nostalgic for the good old days when she could dress Bela up like a fairy princess even though Bela preferred jeans.
Sinking deeper into her thoughts, Alesse turned her attention to the far murkier future. “Always in motion, the future,” she murmured under her breath as a white rabbit with a pocket-watch scurried past. “You’re late for the baby shower,” it admonished, pulling said watch from his waistcoat and tsking at himself.
“Baby shower?” Alesse’s astral-plane self got up and followed the rabbit to a small clearing near some spotted mushrooms that bore closer examination but she was afraid she’d be distracted by caterpillars if she looked too closely, so she steadfastly ignored them. Besides, she’d spent a hundred years overcoming her hookah addiction; she didn’t want to backslide now.
Within the clearing sat a bewildered Woeisme, Something patting her shoulder awkwardly as Bela wept and Edwood sighed, which was the most emotional he’d been for eight chapters. Jakob was standing next to a wire mesh surround where a jumble of creatures shape-shifted in dizzying fashion, morphing from potatoes to dragons to were-cow to puppies to humanoid things with big ears and purple skin to sparkly unicorns with rainbows for tails, each at their own pace.
“At least I didn’t have to gnaw through your tummy to get them out,” Jakob growled at Woeisme, the stress from that morning’s miracle causing him to asplode into a furry creature with multiple eyes. “Gosh dang darn-it, not again,” he thought, keeping his thoughts clean in front of the…he supposed they were children. Possessing neither arms nor legs he fell over, rolling under a beech tree, coming to a halt against the smooth trunk. Edwood turned his head a fraction of an inch to watch, his mouth almost threatening to start to form a grin. Bela thought him too cool for words.
“OFF WITH ITS HEAD!” a voice thundered through the clearing, while two spades ran past, followed by a club and a sparkly diamond.
Upon spotting Edwood, staring motionless at his ever-changing grand-were-offspring, the diamond froze and glittered icily. Never before had it encountered such a pale, sparkly being of perfection. “The queen of hearts will love you,” it purred, throwing a kaleidoscope of colors through the clearing, turning Bela bright pink for a brief moment in time.
“He’s married,” Bela snarled at the diamond, quite put out that something was more sparkly that her beloved Edwood. “Tell the queen to go eat a potato.”
Before she could discover the consequences of Bela’s ill-considered epithet, the vision faded and Alesse’s eyes were restored to their natural unnaturally blue hue. “Were-cows and half-vampires must never breed,” she said, staring pointedly at Woeisme.
“What does that have to do with the balding git and the cute guy in the purple wife-beater and black vinyl pants?”
“Nothing,” Aunt Alesse snapped. “I’m not exactly Professor Trelawny, you know. I don’t take requests – and neither does the future.”
• 
Woah. Trippy. The product of Jakob and Woeisme’s unholy union is a litter of freaks.
muahaha.. and the cabal of “Don’t Let Woeisme Breed.. EVER” strike another blow..