“But you can’t be!” Something gasped in a truly tragic manner seen only in melodramatic movies and Scooby Doo cartoons. “Solanum is DEAD! Everyone knows that!”
Ominous organ music swelled in a stereotypical “Dum, dum, dum.”
Edwood, shimmered in his overly-sparkly self, as he looked around. “Where’d the music come from?”
Solanum rolled his eyes. “I’m the potato(e) god, you don’t think I can’t pull off a little supernatural organ music?” He turned on Something. “And DUDE, what part of ‘god’ made it seem like I could die? Now, seriously? Nuclear power plants? Isn’t that going a bit overboard for a crispier french fry?”
“We were coming to battle the dastardly Yukon Gold and his time-displaced henchman, Dukakis, before they destroyed the world – you know, except for the vampires and werewolves, because we’re immortal unless you hit us with a silver bullet, stake us in the heart, or cut off our heads.” Jakob finally stopped to take a breath.
“You do know the summary monologue is supposed to be for the villian, right?” Solanum asked.
Jakob pulled himself up straighter and preened like an egotistical rooster in front of a mirror… oh, wait… “But that’s me, the dark, angsty, Bad Boy… that’s the same thing, right?”
“Bwa hahahahahaha!”
All heads turned to the sound of the memorable laugh. (Because everyone knew villains had to have a memorable laugh. It was in Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog, only the greatest informational blog on how to be a good Evil Genius.) There, standing on the top of the nuclear power plant, and yet completely identifiable and audible against all laws of physics, acoustics, and nature, stood Yukon Gold. He held up an equally identifiable Spud of Great Power.
“Now I have you where I want you! You won’t escape me now! When I drop this into this Reactor Tower, it will cause a chain reaction that will reverberate throughout the world. It will create Pototoes of Great Size that will rise up and squash all who get in its path. Including you super sparkly and/or angsty undead, species-bending, Somethings and Woeismes everywhere!”
Solanum gestured toward Yukon Gold. “See? Now there is a good Villianous Monologue. You could take lessons. You know, if he weren’t about to destroy the world.”
Woeisme wrung her hands. It’s what she did. “But what can we do?”
“I don’t know,” Jakob answered, scratching his chin thoughtfully, because that always looked cool. “But we have to do something, because if we don’t, I can’t get the girl in the end!”
Edwood snorted in a teenage, Beevis and Bûŧŧhëád laugh. “He said ‘in the end’.”
Solanum threw up his hands. “Yukon Gold mashed his own henchman. I think he’s serious. You have to find the One Onion Ring to stop the Spud of Power.”
“But where is it?” Something cried.
Solanum pointed to the power plant and disappeared in golden droplets of hot, zero transfat, vegetable oil suitable for conversion to biofuels. His disembodied voices added, “Follow the force…”
• 
I choose to believe that “disembodied voices” is not a typo, but that the Potato God can pull off more than one disembodied voice at a time, because that’s how he rolls.
Golly, the grand scheme is mutant potatoes? Holy crap!
I can hear the theme song already…
Attack, of the killer (mutant) potatoes..
Maybe a “rapidly passing thru puberty love”
song can be their undoing
The story is fun and all, but I miss seeing PAD’s posts.
I’m not posting any less than I was before. When something occurs to me to blog about, I do it. It’s not as if I’m thinking, “Darn, I was going to write something but I can’t because we’re doing Potato Moon.”
PAD
I guess between the story and the “But I Digress” stuff I was just missing the new posts. I know you are a busy man. I just really enjoy your blog entries.
I would really like to see a lot more of your BID columns. Why not put up one every few days?
We’re doing the BID columns about one a week.
PAD