POTATO MOON, Part 21 by Jack Scheer

potato_moonBela froze as the short man approached her. His full, thick eyebrows
reminded her of her beloved Edwood, yet on this intruder she found
them thoroughly off-putting. More disturbing was the ungainly helmet
he wore, his name emblazoned across the front in large sans-serif
letters: MIKE DUKAKIS.

“I hope I haven’t alarmed you, young lady,” said Dukakis. “I assure
you, I mean no harm.”

“No harm! You’ve scared me half to death lurking in the shadows like
that! It’s one thing to skulk about if you’re young, lithe, and hot.
It’s quite another if you’re… well, you! What do you want, you
troll?”

Dukakis shuffled his feet, clearly uncomfortable with the whole
situation. “It’s not what I want. It’s what my master wants.”

Bela glared blankly at the man. “Your master?”

“Yes!” blurted Dukakis. “You know I’m running for President. Senator
Quayle and I have been pressed into service by a man of unimaginable
power. If we’re to return to our respective campaigns, we must do his
bidding! Please believe me, if I could break free of his influence
some other way, I would. This is the only path before me.”

Bela stared at the helmeted man in utter confusion. “But we just had
an election. John McCain versus Barack Obama. Obama won.”

Dukakis shook his head, as if trying to clear it. “I’m afraid you’re
mistaken, miss. I and Senator Bentsen are running against Vice
President Bush and Senator Quayle. The election’s still two months
away!”

A long-dormant fact, barely remembered from her studies (before she
elected to give up such frivolous pursuits as education and
self-actualization to be with Edwood) flitted through Bela’s brain.
“Wait just a sec.”

She went to a seldom-touched bookcase at the back of the room. Dust
swirled about as she retrieved a long-disused history book and quickly
flipped through the pages.

“You said you ran against Bush? The first one or the second one?”

“First or… what? I’m running against George Bush! I’m the governor
of Massachusetts! Don’t you watch the news?”

“Hold on,” Bela said as she reached the relevant passage. “Aha! Here
it is… ‘George Bush scored a resounding victory in the 1988
campaign, beating Michael Dukakis by a nearly 4 to 1 margin in the
Electoral College vote.’ 1988! That’s over twenty years ago!”

“Impossible!” shouted Dukakis. Then a wave of dread washed over the
governor’s face. “Could he have ripped us out of our own time? Could
Gold really be that powerful?” he croaked.

“Gold? Gold who?” asked Bela.

“Yukon Gold! The One True Potato King! The man controlling us!”

Suddenly a flash of starchy light flared up between Bela and Dukakis.
As it subsided, a large, stocky man in rustic garb came into view.

“Did someone call my name?” asked Yukon Gold.

***

Less than a mile away, a railroad crossing gate lifted.

“149 cars, Dad! That’s a new record!”

“Shut up, Something,” hissed Edwood as he buried the accelerator deep
into the floorboard.

2 comments on “POTATO MOON, Part 21 by Jack Scheer

  1. Ah, so Dukasis and Quayle are time-displaced. Is this going to be like Star Trek and we can create a new Twilight timeline and say that’s because of the political figures untimely intervention that Potato Moon branches off? Hëll, if it worked for JJ it’ll work for us.

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