POTATO MOON, Part 16 by John Finnan

potato_moonEdwood’s brow was deeply furrowed, as if by a team of horses ploughing furrows of soil into which could be planted, well, almost anything. His hands inched over the soft yielding King Edward potato, caressing it into a highly passable version of Jakob’s features. He was deeply frustrated. Making a voodoo doll of a shapeshifter was so frustrating.

At Jakob’s house, Woeisme was kneeling next to a mooing were-cow. “But mother, he isn’t even a bull.”

“Not now, Woeisme.” Belas eyes were fixated on the pack of werewolves watching from the garden. They had told her that the Potato King wanted to meet her daughter, to talk, but Bela knew in her heart of hearts, that somehow this was all about her.

There was a desperate lowing and mooing sound next to her, as Jakob’s piebald body lurched back towards human form, and Hulk-like found a pair of jeans for his hind legs. There was a strange smell of potatoes, which was gone in an instant. “I’m sorry Bela” panted Jakob. “I’m not changing the way I want to. They’re very strange, all these unwanted changes in my body. ”

“Tell me about it” muttered Woeisme.

“Bring us the child!” howled the lead werewolf again. “I won’t tell you again.”

“Jakob, I’m scared” cried Bela. “So am I,” murmured Jakob, and he held her close to his once again conveniently naked chest. His jeans squished with what he hoped was post metamorphic lactation.

“Bring us the child!” howled the lead werewolf redundantly.

“I’ll go with them,” said Woeisme. Jakob turned his eyes towards her, while his arms still clung to Bela. “Oh you brave little child”, he smiled at her. He could feel his heart swell with pride, and ever increasing admiration. “Take care of mother and Something. I may be some time.”

Woeisme stepped out to the murderous group of Werewolves, while her mother hid behind Jakobs small emo body. Bela’s roaming hands hadn’t found any muscles yet, though not for the lack of trying.

Jakob fixed his gaze on the lead werewolf. “I know who you really are, Principal Flutie. I know where you live, and where your loved ones live. Bring this girl back alive, or…” the rest of the threat trailed off into breathlessness. Jakob wasn’t used to long threatening speeches and hadn’t gotten the breathing rhythms worked out yet.

Woeisme slung one leg over the wolf, and the pack returned to the forest at a hairy sprint. The light of Jakob’s dwelling dwindled into the dwindling distance.

“Who is this ‘potato king’?” squeaked Woeisme, deeply grateful to have something to do. “He has many names,” barked the werewolf. “Names such as Azrael, or Ba’al, or Pazubu, or Subbuteo, or Ted,”

“Huh. What unusual names” thought Woeisme, as irony whistled past them invisibly in the dark. As the pack continued to travel deeply into the forests, Woeisme clung tightly, her legs gripping the werewolf’s flanks, as thoughts of pony rides danced through her head.

7 comments on “POTATO MOON, Part 16 by John Finnan

  1. “Jakob wasn’t used to long threatening speeches and hadn’t gotten the breathing rhythms worked out yet.”

    hahaha, that was a sweet line. Also, Ted the Potato King is probably the greatest bad guy name ever.

  2. “Bring us the child!” howled the lead werewolf redundantly.

    That’s also a great bit too, took me a second read to catch that.

    1. You know, I missed that the wolves were asking for *Jakob*, and only caught that on a second read through. So sorry.
      .
      I suppose we can always ret-con and say that Woeisme is simply braver and less messed up than Jakob.
      Maybe the Potato King won’t be pleased that she came in Jakob’s place?

  3. Yeah, it’s no biggie, I probably should have made it a tad more clearer. that sounds good if someone else wants to pick that up. And then there’s just some really awkward interaction between Potato King and the kid. (So…Jonas Brothers, eh?). Or whatever.

    Honestly, I saw that, was momentarily puzzled and then mentally shrugged. It’s free-form creative writing. There’s a potentially major character who popped out of a typo. It’s like the 70s Swinger Pot Party of stories. of Just go with the flow, mannnn.

  4. Ahh, the number of Buffy references in here makes me so happy. Principal Flutie makes a GREAT were-wolf. 🙂

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