As the sounds of Madonna’s Vogue drifted out from inside Sullen Manor,
Edwood shifted his position to strike another sculpture-like pose.
This allowed him to see the potato still grasped in Bela’s
aluminum-foil-jacket-like grip.
“What is that?” he asked in a voice which audibly sparkled in the dim light.
“Oh, just a tuber that Jakob carved to try to look like me.”
“So it’s a YouTuber?”
Even Edwood’s horrible puns seemed to Bela to sparkle. It was as if
their interaction was that of two hard, stiff, objects striking each
other, causing actual sparks to glitter in the night as tiny bits of
themselves broke off and floated, sparkling, to the ground.
Fortunately, Edwood still had the fire extinguisher. Still, the wooden
porch was speckled with char spots. Bela decided she liked that; it
reminded her of the fire of her passion for Edwood, whose name could
thus have only been more ironic had it been Charles. Or Flint. Or
Rock. Or Stone. Or…
She realized though, that Edwood was no longer talking about her, and
how wonderful and special she was, but about the pale, russet,
imitation. This would not do at all.
“Let me speak the word again. Let me say what you are.” Some verbal
foreplay would get Edwood back to noticing her as the center of his,
admittedly rather constrained, universe.
“Say it. Say it again, this time so I can hear you say it clearly and
loudly. The first time, it was a bit mumbled.”
“Vampire.”
“What?” While it was clearly an effort for him to convey such an
emotion, or, really, any emotion in his normal, non-affective, tones
other than his sparkling passion for her, it seemed that he might have
been trying to indicate surprise at her word.
A bit more annoyed than her usual state, she repeated “Vampire”.
“Don’t you mean ‘vam-pyr’?”
“No, I mean ‘vam-pire’.”
“That tuber you’re holding. What is its general vegetable name?”
“Po-tay-to.”
“No, it’s a po-tah-to.”
Shocked, they looked at each other in stunned amazement at what this meant.
“You say po-tay-to.”
“You say po-tah-to.”
“You say vam-pire.”
“You say vam-pyr.”
In unison, with rage as they were now fully into their first fight
ever, “Let’s call the whole thing off!”
Jakob, lurking in the shadows, smiled.
• 
Dang…
I guess I won’t be using the potato/potato bit when it’s my turn.
Matt Dow
(Though it IS always funny.)
Nice punnery (is that even a word?)
That was genius with using that dang “Say it” scene from the movie and bagging on the guy’s monotone inflection, and the ending of the scene was gold too. Musical, too. More musical interjections would be awesome.
Just got caught up on this – forgot we were starting. This is hilarious so far, and I can’t wait until it’s my turn!!!
*goes away again, giggling madly*