His hands moved rhythmically, spurred on by ancient, guttural tones. The lights flickered, spasming like a fish too far from water, or a careless electrician.
Jakob’s face stressed and contorted. Sweat began to bead on his over-long forehead. His eyes rolled back, his body slacked. He was done.
He stumbled towards Bela, a child still finding its legs. He raised the completed Potato until it was at eye level. It was no longer a beautiful, plump russet. The potato now had little potato legs, little potato arms, little potato hair. It was no less a piece of art than the Mona Lisa herself.
“It’s you,” Jakob said, smiling.
Bela studied the figure with some hesitance. She took in the starchy Madonna, systematically consuming each inch of the pale tuber. Jakob’s nerves began to fail with every step she took. What if she didn’t “get it”? Was this Mrs. Robertson’s 2nd Grade Statuary Spectacular! all over again?
After completing her inspection, Bela stopped. She touched her chin lightly. Perhaps, Jakob thought, she was like him — hoping her beard was finally coming in, so Father would stop saying she was “girlier than a tween on Nick Jonas’ birthday.”
Finally, she spoke. “It doesn’t look a thing like me,” she mourned.
Jakob pulled the dripping totem back, puzzling over it’s inadequacy. Then, like a suckerpunch at an Applebees, the solution hit him.
His finger moved deftly, surgically. In a moment, it was done.
“Better now?”
Bela stared at Jakob’s handiwork once more… he had ran a single fingernail across the russett idol’s blank face. The Tuber Bela was now smiling.
“This,” she sighed, “is why I chose Edwood.”
• 
“This,” she sighed, “is why I chose Edwood.”
Brilliant!
hahhaha, all that stuff about the beard / Jonas Brother bit was pure gold.
Bwahaahaahaaa…Well done Sir. Well Done.
Kath the Wife David
Nice Jonas bros. reference. My tween niece will be devastated!
Thanks, everybody. I had a ton of fun writing it.
Who knew that potatoes were such fertile ground for Jonas Brothers jokes?