POTATO MOON, Part 4, by Sana Keith

Jakob cautiously crept forward and came to the steps of Sullen Manor. As Jakob reached to open its towering doors, his mind overcame with second thoughts. Perhaps it was a mistake to come. After all who was to say Bela was even home. Or maybe she was on the couch making time with Edwood, could Jakob bear the sight of his beloved embraced in passion with his rival. Yet still, what if she was home shaving her legs, clipping her toenails, or some other ghastly sight one shouldn’t see if one hoped to keep the image of that impossible perfect ideal one has of their true love.

As Jakob’s mind raced, a calm voice beckoned from inside Sullen Manor. “Welcome Jakob Blaq. Enter.” echoed the voice he could not place. Just like that Jakob’s choice was made for him. Perhaps just as well, considering Jakob was exactly the annoyingly indecisive type that could meander over an hour on something as simple as deciding between the home fries or tater tots for breakfast. Such indecisiveness was the root of his relationship troubles and in point of fact his mother would constantly complain to him if he insisted on spending all his time contemplating in teenage angst could he not get a job, possibly at the Gap, and contemplate in teenage angst there while bringing home a steady paycheck.

But such thoughts could be contemplated later and so it was Jakob turned the knob and entered Sullen Manor. Though the lights were off, through the squints of his eyes he could make out its cobwebbed corners and dusted furniture. His eyes traced along the wooden walls of the long narrow hall down to the room at the far end. There a glimmering slit of moonlight cut thru the darkness, landing solely at the table in center.

“That which you seek lays before you.” whispered the voice that seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere. As his eyes came to focus on the table, it was then Jakob realized the singular potato glistening in the moonlight. There it lay with its light creamy brown skin, soft shapely curves, and a promise of ecstasy no other potato could provide. All at once Jakob was struck by the potato lust that consumes all vampires, or werewolves, or were-trees, or whatever the hëll he was. A million thoughts swarmed his head, this was clearly no ordinary potato. No, it was not a potato that was to be ravaged and forgotten about the next day. This was that special rare potato that he would have to slowly bake and wait out at least three maybe four dinners, then and only then could he think of peeling it and laying his fangs on that soft but firm succulent inside. Indeed, he could already envision himself settling down with the potato to a nice quiet home in Idaho and raising spuds together. This potato was The One.

Unable to wait one second longer Jakob entered the room to embrace his newfound love. The door slammed shut behind him. An ethereal figure emerged from the shadows towards him.