I knew departing Albuquerque might be a problem when I read the morning newspaper Tuesday and discovered that George W. Bush was coming into town.
Our plane was scheduled to depart at 2 PM. Normally we would have arrived at the airport around 1 PM, but Kath and I decided to play it safe and try to get there even earlier.
The closer we got to the airport, the more police cars we started to see parked on the side of the highway. Pretty soon there was a squad car–no exaggeration–every fifth of a mile. We realized what was going to happen: When Airforce One arrived, they were going to turn the entire area around the airport into a frozen zone. No cars in or out. A traffic jam that could consume hours was the typical result of such a maneuver.
We floored it, drawing closer and closer to the airport. We got off at the exit and we saw that cops who had been standing around previously were now starting to get into their cars with a sense of urgency. We were racing Airforce One. God knows there’s no love lost between Bush and me, but now it was personal.
We buzzed past the airfield and saw a massive motorcycle procession lined up, ready to go. We suspected that Airforce One had already landed. That being the case, it wouldn’t impact upon our plane’s departure. But the fact that Bush was about to leave the airport would sure as hëll impact our ability to get to the terminal. We got to the rental car agency just as the police were moving into position. By the time the rental car shuttle bus was taking us to the terminal, the surrounding area was completely shut down. Since we were already there, we were safe, but anyone who was still on the highway approaching the airport was SOL. God only knows how long it was that way, or what sort of horrific jam-up resulted from it.
About half an hour after we’d arrived, we heard an announcement over the PA terminal: “Attention: The owner of the vehicle license plate 245-WMD, please move your car from the terminal area or it will be towed.” This instantly struck us as odd. Nowadays if you pull up and stand still for even thirty seconds, cops are already chasing you off. So the notion that someone could pull their car up, turn it off and walk away unobserved didn’t make sense. Nor would there be a warning to move it; the cops would just haul it out of there immediately. But what really leaped out at us was the license plate. WMD–obvious. And 245: Five plus four is nine, plus two is eleven. 9/11. Our suspicion was that it was a prearranged code indicating to all concerned that Bush, like Elvis, had left the building. An “all clear,” as it were.
Of all the cities in all the states in all the country, he had to fly into ours just as we were trying to leave it. With any luck, that’s the closest I’m ever going to come to George Wl. Bush.
PAD
• 
If that IS the “all clear” code, it’s going to have to change now that you’ve blabbed it all over the interwebtubes. Try not to act too surprised if/when the Feds come a-knockin’ on your door.
On the plus side, it means I can now try to get “245 WMD” as a personalized plate. Thanks, Peter!
By the way: FIRST!!!
jeeze PAd, with deductive skills like that you should be writing Batman. I always used to chuckle at the stories where the Riddler would send an envelope with a kernal of popcorn in it and Batman would start spouting seemingly random nonsense that led, inexorably, to the villains true intentions (“Popcorn is the main ingreadant in crackerjacks, as in ‘buy me some penuts and crackerjacks’ from the song the Old ballgame, which is about baseball which is played on a diamond…”
“Holy batboy, Batman, you don’t mean–”
“Yes, old chum, he intends to steal the Hope Diamond!”
And off they go to stop him and I always wondered why the hëll the Riddler’s henchmen didn’t just kill him for all the times his pathological need to send the World’s Greatest Detective clues to their schemes resulted in jailtime.
But then I was never good at these things. I thought a fellow apa member’s name was actually Sue D. Nym until my wife pointed out the obvious.
Posted by Bill Mulligan
…I always wondered why the hëll the Riddler’s henchmen didn’t just kill him for all the times his pathological need to send the World’s Greatest Detective clues to their schemes resulted in jailtime.
There’s an issue of one of the “Adventures” books – “Gotham Adventures” #11 (the “Adventures” books – all series – while there were some dud issues, were probably overall the *best* Batman series i’ve ever read) – in which Riddler, escaping Arkham, reasons that he bruises easily and doesn’t *really* need to actually *fight* Batman; all he really needs to do is to match wits with him for the psychological thrill.
So he uses his connections to find out about upcoming crimes by *other* crooks, and sends Batman riddles about *those*
S
P
O
I
L
E
R
W
A
R
N
I
N
G
S
P
O
I
L
E
R
But, without realising it, the riddles he sends have a meta-theme which leads Batman, Robin and Nightwing to his HQ. (Whether he’s committing any crimes himself, he’s still an Arkham escapee.)
The punchline comes, when Riddler who’s got the drop on them with a tommygun suddenly stops, drops tha gun, and says “I really planned never to go back to Arkham. But I left you a clue anyway. So I have to go back there. Because I might need help.
“I might really be crazy.”
You know, if you were a political candidate, your words could be taken out of context to indicate your wanting to do harm to the President.
Knowing your writing style, I am not sure that didn’t already occur to you.
Cheers.
Iowa Jim
Note: I was referring to the title of the blog, not the story, which I did find rather amusing.
Iowa Jim
That’s funny!
I hate major city airports as it is; I can’t imagine the kind of deadlock what you are describing would induce.
Gratz on slipping through.
PAD stated in his last sentence that he would never want to meet George Bush. As critical as I am of him and his administration, I still think it would be wicked cool too meet the president of the united states. I’d gladly empty my checking account but a several thousand dollar suit to make sure I look good. There is just something about meeting a president, no matter how sucky, that just the coolest thing on earth.
Lester Carthan
A buddy of mine just got back from his internship at the Whitehouse. He was working there several monhs and it was oddly amusing to hear his girlfriend mention conversations with him to the effect that “it was a boring day, had a meeting with the President, nothing interesting happened…”
(That’s not meant to be a slam on the President, just a comment on how jaded one can get and how quickly someone who is surrounded by the unusual for a period of time will fail to see it as unusual)
Jim “Spooon” Henry
A buddy of mine just got back from his internship at the Whitehouse. He was working there several monhs and it was oddly amusing to hear his girlfriend mention conversations with him to the effect that “it was a boring day, had a meeting with the President, nothing interesting happened…”
(That’s not meant to be a slam on the President, just a comment on how jaded one can get and how quickly someone who is surrounded by the unusual for a period of time will fail to see it as unusual)
Jim “Spooon” Henry
A buddy of mine just got back from his internship at the Whitehouse. He was working there several monhs and it was oddly amusing to hear his girlfriend mention conversations with him to the effect that “it was a boring day, had a meeting with the President, nothing interesting happened…”
(That’s not meant to be a slam on the President, just a comment on how jaded one can get and how quickly someone who is surrounded by the unusual for a period of time will fail to see it as unusual)
Jim “Spooon” Henry
A buddy of mine just got back from his internship at the Whitehouse. He was working there several monhs and it was oddly amusing to hear his girlfriend mention conversations with him to the effect that “it was a boring day, had a meeting with the President, nothing interesting happened…”
(That’s not meant to be a slam on the President, just a comment on how jaded one can get and how quickly someone who is surrounded by the unusual for a period of time will fail to see it as unusual)
Jim “Spooon” Henry
A buddy of mine just got back from his internship at the Whitehouse. He was working there several monhs and it was oddly amusing to hear his girlfriend mention conversations with him to the effect that “it was a boring day, had a meeting with the President, nothing interesting happened…”
(That’s not meant to be a slam on the President, just a comment on how jaded one can get and how quickly someone who is surrounded by the unusual for a period of time will fail to see it as unusual)
Jim “Spooon” Henry
A buddy of mine just got back from his internship at the Whitehouse. He was working there several monhs and it was oddly amusing to hear his girlfriend mention conversations with him to the effect that “it was a boring day, had a meeting with the President, nothing interesting happened…”
(That’s not meant to be a slam on the President, just a comment on how jaded one can get and how quickly someone who is surrounded by the unusual for a period of time will fail to see it as unusual)
Jim “Spooon” Henry
Due to having been at Google and helping out with the candidate interviews and the like there, occurs to me I’ve now met a former President (Carter), a possible next President (McCain; alas, I’d left by the time Obama showed up, so while I got to be there for his talk, I didn’t get to go behind the scenes and meet him), and that seldom occupied third category (Gore).
Can’t say as I’ve met any of those, Tom, but we do have a picture of Bill Clinton with his arm around several members of my wife’s family. (Insert obvious jokes here.)
TWL
Heh… I flew into ABQ on Tuesday. We got stuck on the interstate coming out of the airport as they cleared the motorcade.
I had bowlers sitting next to me on the plane. They were an amicable lot.
Oh, can I sympathise. March ’91, a friend had to pick me up at an indecently early hour to get me to the airport for my overseas flight before Bush Sr. left after a state visit here in Ottawa later that morning and caused traffic tie ups for an hour or more.
I got caught in one of Bush the Lesser’s traffic jams a few years ago. As did dozens of my co-workers on the afternoon shift. It wasn’t as if I were cutting it close. I would have been at work a good 20-25 minutes before starting time, but was 45 minutes late.
You know, for an ‘all clear’ signal that’s pretty gød-dámņëd morbid. Plus the WMD thing is a national embarrassment. Not to mention the tastelessness of using it at an airport. Shameless.
I’ve heard this sort of announcement at various airports over the years with no presidential appearances involved. I’ve even seen people hop out of their cars in a loading zone to run inside to meet an arrival, have their tag read over the PA, and seen the car towed within a couple of minutes. Even at D/FW, it takes a few minutes to get the tow truck to the right entrance so a quick warning can save everybody a lot of hassle. Sorry to pop that bubble but it’s more likely that some poor schmo had stepped away from his car, not that all the airport security folks simultaneously lost their radios.
Tim, back with Bill Clinton visited Google (I didn’t hear about it, so didn’t see or meet him), someone shortly after put up a photo of him with his arm around her. I was apparently the first to point out to her that, as a brunette, large-boned, female intern, certain conclusions could be drawn as to why she got the photo op.
She did have something of a knack for embarrassing visitor situations. A few months later, she was doing her laundry in the onsite laundry room when Colin Powell came in and got on her case about mixing colors and whites (and no, she didn’t come up with any of the obvious comebacks on the spot).
Back in my marketing director days(or, as I call them, The Dark Ages) New Mexico was one of my states. Unfortunately, that’s as close as I’ve gotten to it.
And the closest I’ve ever been to any Presidential types was when Mike Dukakis and Mark Hamill came to my high school. I seem to recall someone, but unfortunately not me, saying something about Dukakis using Hamill to execute a Jedi mind trick on us.
Now that you posted that last part, PAD, I can picture very easily a con where you’re signing books and the Secret Service comes up to you and tells you there’s someone requesting a special autograph.
So the codename for Bush is WMD?
Well, that makes sense. 🙂
Reagan made me late back to school from lunch one day….
/sorry…got nuthin’
I was reading the entry and in the back of my mind is the guy who used to do all thiose 80’s and 90’s movie trailers: “PAD vs. Bush Part ii; This time it’s PERSONAL!”
I was reading the entry and in the back of my mind is the guy who used to do all those 80’s and 90’s movie trailers: “PAD vs. Bush Part ii; This time it’s PERSONAL!”
Brian:
So the codename for Bush is WMD?
>>>>>
I would have guessed “WTF?”.
–Ed
I might be in a boat of one, but I found that passcode to be tasteless and/or insensitive. Just how often does he feel the need to invoke 9/11 to get his way?
“I might be in a boat of one, but I found that passcode to be tasteless and/or insensitive. Just how often does he feel the need to invoke 9/11 to get his way?”
George W. Bush: spreading irony at home and abroad since 2001.
Iowa Jim: You know, if you were a political candidate, your words could be taken out of context to indicate your wanting to do harm to the President…..Note: I was referring to the title of the blog, not the story, which I did find rather amusing.
Luigi Novi: Didn’t seem to cause Molly Ivins any trouble. 🙂
“She did have something of a knack for embarrassing visitor situations. A few months later, she was doing her laundry in the onsite laundry room when Colin Powell came in and got on her case about mixing colors and whites (and no, she didn’t come up with any of the obvious comebacks on the spot).”
Obvious urban myth. Somebody as important as Colin Powell would have aides to take care of his laundry.
Didn’t seem to cause Molly Ivins any trouble. 🙂
Yeah? Look what happened to HER!
Somebody as important as Colin Powell would have aides
What? Powell has AIDS? Someone tell the media!
TWL
Tim Lynch:Yeah? Look what happened to HER!
Luigi Novi: Yeah, really. She’s writes an unfavorable book about Bush, one of countless such books, and then she dies—FOUR YEARS LATER! It’s a conspiracy! (And I had no idea that Bush could cause breast cancer!) Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂
Tim Lynch: What? Powell has AIDS? Someone tell the media!
Luigi Novi: Yeah, I hear his middle name is Jared, too!
Hey, at least you’ve never had a member of the secret service tell you that you might get shot in the head thanks to Bush visiting. I have. Not one of my favorite special assignments.
Something similar happened to me when Bush last visited the Twin Cities. I was on my way to work, and got caught in an absolutely dead-stop traffic jam at just about 8 o’clock at night. No signs, no cops, just traffic backed up as far as the eye can see. Still made it to work on time (I like to leave early to stop off for food), but I had no idea what was happening until someone mentioned the Presidential visit.
I prefer the codename Robin Williams came up for Bush when he was making a joke about the pretzel incident on Jay Leno or Letterman…”Gilligan is down, I repeat, Gilligan is down!”
“Someone tell the media!”
Why bother? They’re gonna spend the next 24 hours talking about the spelling bee.
I realize the spelling bee is very important to the kids and their families, but I just don’t care. I turned on my television at 8 to see what was on. First thing I saw was spelling bee ‘interviews’. I vomited, and turned off the television in disgust.
Some days, I am just a hateful cuss.
Gee, Peter, until now, you’ve never been one to beat around the Bush.
I’m surprised no one has said this yet but: “Enh—I knew ya’ shouldn’ta taken dat left toin at Albachoukie!”
I’m surprised no one has said this yet but: “Enh—I knew ya’ shouldn’ta taken dat left toin at Albachoukie!”
Hmmm.. closest similar experience I ever had was when half of Waverly station was closed down because the Royal Train had just arrived. People milled and thronged on the concourse while the Queen, Prince Phillip and Prince Charles got off the train and into a Rolls Royce before being driven off to Holyrood…
I don’t say that’s particularly relevant or germane, I just think the whole “Royal Train” thing is just so dámņ cool!!! 🙂
Cheers.
Let me see if I understand this correctly… some commenters are now attacking Bush for the tastelessness of what we think is a secret code which, if it really is one, his security guys came up with?
Oh, no, Zeke, Bush the Lesser came up with this one on his own. It’s one of his unfeeling fratboy jokes.
Wouldn’t that imply that Bush the Lesser knows that “five plus four is nine, plus two is eleven” ?
I sense a flaw in your argument…
Cheers.
D’OH!