“The last thing we want–“

Posted By: Peter DavidPosted On:

On a dare from a website, four girls descended into the subways of New York City and performed risque strip numbers on the N train, gyrating on poles and dangling from overhead strap handles. They won the ten grand from the site, darejunkies.com.

And, as if they give a dámņ, they received a severe scolding from the MTA as a spokesman declared, “The last thing we want is for anyone to turn our subways into roving burlesque stages for crude exhibitionists.”

Really. Is that a fact? “The last thing we want?”

As an occasional subway rider, when I’m thinking about “the last thing we want” on the subways, I’m thinking…oh, I dunno…a fare hike.

Or more trains breaking down.

Or money being cut so that there are fewer transit cops.

Or graffiti all over the place.

Or terrorists detonating bombs.

Or fewer trains being run so that the trains that are running are horrifically overcrowded.

Or people bumming money off me.

Or people vomiting or urinating in the corner or staggering around drunk and falling on me.

On my personal list, gorgeous strippers performing on the subway is so far and away from “the last thing” that it’s not even funny. Perhaps the MTA should get its priorities in order.

PAD

85 comments on ““The last thing we want–“”

  1. Okay, so the statement was without a shadow of a doubt hyperbole, but can’t each and every one of us agree with no question whatsoever that hyperbole is absolutely the most fantastic thing in the entire history of the universe forever and ever and ever?

    I’ve never ridden the subway in NY. But I’ve ridden other undergrounds/subways/metros—Bangkok, Seoul, Busan, Osaka, Tokyo, London to name a few off the top of my head—and I think that I can speak for the United International Guild of Subway Riders when I say that a bunch of attractive (hëll, unattractive) poll dancing females (hëll, males) is far from the last thing that we could ever want to experience.

  2. “For me, stellar sterilization of the Earth is actually the last thing I want in a very non-hyperbolic sense, yet I have used the term in the context of the rinovirus, fear of unintentionally impregnating a woman, and a favorite television program having its broadcast schedule changed to Friday night.”

    Mike, is that you?

  3. Peter David: By the way, it was just announced that the powers that be have gone back on their earlier pledge to save the current fare and prices will, in fact, be going up.
    Luigi Novi: Fûçk.

    FûçkFûçkFûçkFûçkFûçkFûçkFûçkFûçkFûçkFûçkFûçkFûçkFûçkFûçk!

  5. PAD wrote: By the way, it was just announced that the powers that be have gone back on their earlier pledge to save the current fare and prices will, in fact, be going up.

    It’s not a fare increase, it is an incentive to exercise!

    Yeah…. Yeah… That’s the ticket!

  8. Craig J. Reis wrote:
    Mike, is that you?

    No.

    tardisrider wrote:
    Okay, so the statement was without a shadow of a doubt hyperbole, but can’t each and every one of us agree with no question whatsoever that hyperbole is absolutely the most fantastic thing in the entire history of the universe forever and ever and ever?

    It’s better than that.

    Jess Willey wrote:
    How long after the writer’s strike ends do you think it will take for this very concept you described to become an episode of Law and Order: SVU?

    Have you noticed that as a result of the long downward trend in murder rates nationwide, many crime dramas each season “kill” a good chunk of the total number of victims actually murdered in those cities? For example, Las Vegas has averaged around 120 murders a year for the last five years – but CSI kills about 40 or 50 a year on its show, alone.

  9. Craig J. Reis wrote:

    Wow, apparently my name is just impossible to type, as well as to copy & paste, that people mistype it so often.

    4 letters, folks. It ain’t that freakin’ tough.

    But then, it took only a handful of posts before you, Lingster, completely derailed this thread simply because you read something in PAD’s post that wasn’t there, so maybe I’m expecting too much from some of you.

  12. One thing that can’t be denied…
    PAD sure knows the surefire ways to stir up the hornet’s nest….

    And “NO” Lingster, you’re not a hornet… just in case you think I’m using a figure of speech and hung up on hyperbole…

    Bob A

  13. Bob Von Doom: “And it is now time to reveal that I, “Bill Myers,” am in fact…

    [REMOVES MASK]

    BOB VON DOOM!

    Well, heck, I’m not sure what I’ve accomplished. As soon as I figure it out, I will be back to gloat.

    Well, that underwear line of yours is pretty good. Just wish you would fix the ride up problem with the boxer-briefs.

  14. fear of unintentionally impregnating a woman,

    Mike, is that you?

    Obviously, not.

    Bill Mulligan: Luigi Novi is stealing your lines! 🙂

    He forgot to add a couple of fûçkìŧìëš.

    All Bob Von Doom jokes aside, though it’s a good joke, have their been any actual stories in the Marvel/DC universe where the criminal has a normal, slightly dim brother who just gets in the way? I’m not talking Black Bolt/Maximus, more like Jimmy/Billy Carter.

  15. Christine said:

    Two months, tops.

    Didn’t they just show (or promote) an episode based on those unfortunate teenagers who were executed near a school earlier this year?

    I thought that was Law and Order: CI doing that one. But yeah– they are so desperate for ripped from the headlines cases now sometimes they go back to the 1920s and just tweak details.

  17. The jerk-store called. They’re running out of you.

    What’s the difference? You’re their all-time best seller.

    (for the uninitiated, it’s from a Seinfeld episode. THE COMBACK, where George is pigging out on shrimp and a co-worker says “George, the ocean called. They’re running out of shrimp.” George spends the entire episode obsessing over it and trying to set up an opportunity to retort with his “great” comeback The jerk-store called. They’re running out of you.

    Mike: our George Costanza!

    But seriously, if you are afraid of unintentionally impregnating a woman there are things you can do to minimize the possibility. fda.gov/fdac/features/1997/babytabl.html offers a guide, also available in a handy chart format!

  21. And what the heal does YMMV mean? It was bad enough when you people made fun of me behind my back, but now you are using code words to make fun of me to my face.

    Signed,

    The Grinch.

  23. Poledancers in the NY subway??? Those European women shouldn’t be dancing.

    Signed,

    The Grinch.

  29. I take the N train almost every day. The only good thing ever to come of it, and I missed the whole thing.

    The amount of (PROVEN!) corruption in the MTA in and of itself should somehow bar these people from raising fares. Or make them hire someone who knows how to spend better. Ðámņ.

  30. The last think we want is Pørņ to be sold at Wal-Mart. Comes in three flavors Equate Milfs,
    Great Value Whørëš, and Old Roy BBQ sauce.

  31. Hot dámņ, strippers on public transport could be the key to saving the world!!

    No, really, think about it:

    Polution from transportation kills mother earth
    Public transport lessens polution
    However, people still use personal transport
    Therefore, more strippers on public transport = more people using public transport and less polution and a cleaner earth!

    By God, strippers! That’s the answer to everything!!!

  32. Hyperbole is best used when combined with sarcasm. Or is that saccarine? I sometimes get those confused.

    I think calling a burlesque/striptease sexually explicit goes a bit far, unless it included simulated sex. Titilating, maybe, but let’s be specific here. As for it being the last thing wanted on a subway, well, that’s why it’s funny, right? Because while pretty much everyone can agree that hearing a “beep beep beep” coming from under the seat next to you is pretty much the last thing we want to encounter on a subway, seeing a bevy of burlesque dancers do their stuff is, evedently, pretty high up on some people’s list of things they’d like to see added to their public transit.

    Maybe the fare hike will go to providing such forms of entertainment?

  34. Wow. The best part was the expressions on the girl at 00:30 and the guy at 2:55.

    And I’m with the commentators who hoped they used wet wipes on that pole before they used it.

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