PeterDavid.net

Pundits are having a field day dogpiling on poor Caitlin Upton, Miss South Carolina Teen. Asked in competition, “One fifth of Americans can’t locate the United States on a world map; why do you think that is?” her response was rambling and literally incoherent, with non-sequitor observations about Iraq and South Africa. She has since said she froze. Genuine freezing might have been preferable; saying nothing would have been better than what she did say.

I refuse to make fun of her. Personally–and I’m completely serious here–I’m wondering if she didn’t have a sort of mini-stroke brought on by the stress of the moment. It makes sense to me. People who have had strokes sometimes find themselves unable to say the words they’re thinking; instead random words are tossed out. Circumstances such as those that she found herself in would be enough to burst a blood vessel in anyone’s head. They probably did dry runs with her about assorted world topics and her synapses just started spitting out fragments of those replies.

Second, I don’t think that a country that has tolerated seven years of a president so characterized by malaprops that entire 365-day calendars are devoted to them–a president whose town-hall meeting questions are carefully vetted before they’re spoken–gets to laugh too hard at a scared teenager who had a tough question sprung on her. Caitlin Upton has to do her own damage control; she doesn’t have a press secretary to face reporters the next day after a session of babbling incoherence and say, “Okay, what she MEANT to say was…”

And it WAS a tough question, because in thirty seconds she had to try and come up with an answer that was fundamentally upbeat and positive because, hey, that’s what beauty pagents are all about. If someone asked me that question and I had to come up with an off-the-cuff response, it would be this…

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If one of those classic blunders is never to get involved in a land war in Asia, then only slightly less known is this: Never COMPARE your own land war to a land war in Asia.

I mean, lord almighty, George, this is just basic debating tactics. You avoid negative associations. It doesn’t matter that you’re trying to sell the notion that, if we pull out of Iraq, then people will die as happened in Vietnam. (Let us even put aside that people are already dying, and will continue to do so whether we’re there or not, the only difference being that if we’re there then we’re the ones dying. And if you’d been so damned concerned about people’s lives, maybe you’d actually have paid attention to everybody who was trying to point out how screwed up Iraq was going to become BEFORE you got us there.)

The problem is that if you mention Iraq and Vietnam in the same breath, the details and shadings of your point will fall away. Days later, all that most people are going to remember is Iraq being equated with Vietnam. And that is a Very Bad Thing as far as you’re concerned. You don’t WANT people making that association. It’s the very association that you and your people have been trying to AVOID people making.

And now you’ve sent them right to it.

In the words of a famous Ghostbuster when faced with his partner’s faulty strategy that unleashed a gigantic monster upon them: “Good thinking, Ray.”

PAD

We’re back from Cape Cod.

The writing course went better than I could have hoped. Dave Seidman, who’s taught courses on comic book writing, gave me some pointers and direction as to what to do, so that helped a good deal. But what really worked out was the quality of students I had. It wasn’t a huge class–it’s the first time that they’ve had a comic book writing course there–but this was a case of quality versus quantity as story concepts and script ideas were batted around and the students actually helped each other in developing their various scripts. A special guest came by on Friday: Paul Levitz, who happened to be on vacation with his family in Cape Cod. He spoke to the class about the business side of comic books (who better?) and joined in our group discussion about “Watchmen” (which is a terrific work to analyze as part of a class since it’s such a textbook vision of how to do comics right.)

Overall it was a great experience.

PAD

My last issue of “friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man,” it’s the Spidey/JJJ confrontation that’s literally years in the making. Whad’ja think?

PAD

I am currently up in Cape Cod, about to embark on teaching a week long course on writing comics at the Cape Cod Writers Conference. This is genuinely new territory for me. I’ve done single session lessons on story breakdowns and such, but never five ninety-minute lessons. Kath keeps telling me I’ll be fine, and I’m hoping she’s right. That once I’m up and talking to the class, all my trepidations will vanish.

PAD

The long running case of Georgia v. Gordon Lee just got longer. The closely watched Free Expression case, which was scheduled to go to trial yesterday, was postponed because the judge was unable to appear due to illness. The case will be rescheduled, and is likely to run on the next misdemeanor trial calendar this November.

“Obviously we’re disappointed that the case was unable to go yesterday, as scheduled, but understand that this kind of delay is nobody’s fault and unavoidable. We wish Judge Salmon a speedy recovery,” says CBLDF Executive Director Charles Brownstein.

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The eyes of the comics, publishing, and Free Expression communities are focused on Rome, GA as the trial of Gordon Lee begins this morning.

Mr. Lee will stand trial for two misdemeanor counts of distributing harmful to minors material, and faces penalties of up to a year and prison and $1,000 in fines for each count if convicted. Lee’s day in court comes after nearly three years of legal proceedings arising from the Halloween 2004 distribution of Alternative Comics #2, a Free Comic Book Day sampler which featured an excerpt from the critically acclaimed graphic novel The Salon that depicted Pablo Picasso in the nude, and was allegedly handed to a minor. The Comic Book Legal Defense Fund has spent $80,000 on Lee’s defense since taking the case in early 2005, and anticipates this week’s trial to cost another $20,000.

Lee’s case is also being closely watched by the mainstream media for its implications on Free Expression. In the past week, stories have appeared on NPR’s Morning Edition, CourtTV, and New York Magazine, joining profiles from venues including The New York Times, The Book Standard, and Publishers Weekly.

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I didn’t think it was possible for any version of Flash Gordon to bore the living crap out of me, but the Sci-Fi Channel managed it.

When BSG was reimagined, Ron Moore removed all the kitschy and campy aspects but replaced it with adult drama and sex. In the case of Flash, the producers likewise removed all the kitschy and campy elements from Flash Gordon, but replaced it with blandness. How colorless was Doctor Zarkov? How staggeringly dull was Ming the Merciless, no longer an evil, vaguely Asian guy but instead an unimposing Caucasian with the amazing ability to convey a total lack of threat. Were the producers REALLY that concerned about protests from Asian groups if they’d portrayed this decades-old iconic character in the classic manner?

And, hey…there was a REASON that Whitney was written out of Smallville: He was colorless and dull. So using him to anchor the series here only succeeds in that, like an anchor, he weighs things down and slows them to a halt.

I wanted to love this series, I really did. I mean, they had me with the prospect of evil aliens invading a bowling alley. (Which I have to think is a tactical mistake on the part of the aliens. If evil aliens showed up on league night standing at the far end of the lanes at my local bowling alley, we’d all just start chucking fifteen pound bowling balls at them.) But the flat writing, miscasting, and non-existent budget sank the pilot episode and I have, frankly, very little hope for subsequent outings.

Is it possible to do a tongue-in-cheek space opera for today’s audience? Sure. The producers of “The Adventures of Captain Zoom,” an underrated cable gem not even available on home video, accomplished that, featuring a lunkheaded hero, a hilariously offhand villain outing by Ron Perlman, a bewildered-looking Nichelle Nichols who didn’t quite seem to understand how she’d wound up there, and a budget of what looked to be $1.79. “Flash Gordon” from those folks would have killed. What we got instead was simply something that killed time, and even that, not very well.

PAD

I don’t know what to say. I honestly don’t. I know I should say something…I worked with the man. But just saying, “He was a terrific artist and I was thrilled to have the opportunity to co-create comic books with him” seems inadequate when faced with a 44-year-old vegetarian in great shape whose heart gives out.

Saying “My condolences to all concerned” likewise seems facile and insufficient.

No words.

PAD

On an episode of “West Wing,” John deLancie played a manipulative pollster who was happy to sacrifice all sense of morality in order to win an election. And Tobey said to him, “I finally figured out who you are.” deLancie’s character said, “He’s going to say ‘Satan.’” And Tobey said, “No. You’re the guy who runs into the 7-11 to buy Satan a pack of cigarettes.”

Satan’s real life cigarette buyer, Karl Rove, has announced that he’ll be scampering off the sinking ship of the Bush administration come the end of August. The speculation is that he’ll be writing a book.

Thoughts as to an appropriate title?

PAD

The first series of Roland’s adventures ends while the latest X-Factor adventure begins to heat up. And I didn’t realize Fallen Angel #18 was out, so I’ve added it. Whad’ja think?

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Caroline’s little finger swelled up and we brought her to the doctor, who informed us of what we’d already pretty much figured out: She’d suffered an insect bite, probably a spider’s. Tragically, all it gave her was a puffy finger rather than the ability to crawl walls.

Fortunately enough, children’s Benadryl seems to be reducing the swelling almost to non-existence. Unfortunately enough, the medication tends to knock her unconscious with every dose. But she’s much more her old self now.

Kathleen and Ariel are out getting tickets for a big Muppet weekend that’s going to be happening at a local theater. I’m sure she’ll be giving a detailed write-up in her blog about that. I’m busy working on rewrites for X-Factor #26 and a novel that Del Rey will be publishing next May that is so different from my previous work, I suspect a number of people wouldn’t recognize it as mine. Tentative title: “Tigerheart.”

PAD

So I’m working down in my office and Kath calls. “Turn on Channel 88, the Gameshow network,” she tells me. Kath, as it so happens, loves watching those old game shows from the 1970s and 80s, and in this case she had on Match Game. Usually Match Game serves as a time capsule nostalgia trip, featuring such staples as Brett Sommers, Charles Nelson Reilly, Dick Martin, and Jamie Lee Curtis.

But today’s point of interest was none of the aforementioned. Instead it was the newly arrived contestant, a young woman who had just moved to Los Angeles from the midwest and was, presumably, hoping to embark upon a career as an actress.

Her name?

Kirstie Alley.

She was only there for a brief shot before the episode ended. We presume the next show with her will be at either 2:30 today or tomorrow morning at 11 AM.

I wonder whatever happened to her?

PAD

UPDATE: Okay, it wasn’t the 2:30, so if they follow the air order, it’ll be on tomorrow at 11 AM. I tried watching it on Youtube but it kept taking forever to load.

Interesting overview in “The Week” over the problem that Bill Clinton presents to Hillary. When he goes out with her on the campaign trail and basically introduces her to the crowds, the crowds absolutely love him. He gets them incredibly stoked. Then Hillary comes out and basically puts them to sleep with her combination of policy wonk attitudes, canned speeches, and an inability to project any sort of warmth or true connection with the audience. So the question becomes, is he doing her more harm than good?

I dunno: At least people remember the “getting stoked” part, so that’s something. Memory can be a tricky thing: Later on they might just recall the warm feeling that suffused them from Bill and attribute it to the entire proceeding, rather than focusing on the fact that Bill was jazz and Hillary was Muzak.

PAD

Scientists claim to have found Superman’s Fortress of Solitude…or at least the movie version of same. Tragically, it’s not in the Arctic, so I’m not sure what the big deal is.

Now find a cave that’s got a gigantic penny in it and you’ve really got my interest.

http://www.livescience.com/strangenews/070801_superman_fortress.html

PAD

The Marvel ball is still ahead, but there’s only three bids. Is anyone from this board bidding? C’mon…that’d be so cool, if somebody here got it. Tell you what: If somebody here is the winning bid, I’ll send you the hat I wore while pitching, and I’ll sign the brim. (See the entry below for the link.)

UPDATE, 8/5: The Marvel ball is currently at over a hundred bucks while the DC ball is at just over fifty.

UPDATE, 8/6: With three hours to go, the Marvel ball is up to $167. Anyone from here in the hunt? (The DC ball hasn’t moved.)

PAD

In case you don’t have the faintest idea who that is, Elijah Kelley is the young man who plays “Seaweed” in the latest film incarnation of “Hairspray.” Kath and I saw it last night and, just as was the case when I saw it on Broadway, I sat there with a stupid smile on my face watching cast members clearly having such a good time that it just rubs off on you. I still believe that they should have cast Harvey Fierstein as Edna, because his performance simply adds far more dimension (and, frankly, subtext) to the film than John Travolta could hope to approach. But if you never saw Harvey’s brilliance in the role, then you’ll probably be satisfied. The rest of the cast is absolutely standout, including newcomer Nikki Blonsky as Tracy and, in a particularly brilliant piece of casting, Allison Janney as the repressive mother of Tracy’s best friend, Penny. (Although they did cut my favorite moment with that character: As a disciplinary measure, Penny’s mom forces Penny to wear a scarlet “P” on her shirt, declaring with misplaced confidence, “Now when everyone sees that ‘P’, Penny Pingleton, they’ll know that it stands for ‘Punished’!”)

As for Elijah Kelley (the subject of my heading) I think that someone should do an adaptation of Sammy Davis Junior’s brilliant autobiography, “Yes I Can!” and cast Kelley as Davis. He can sing, dance, and his general features are evocative of Davis’. He’d be brilliant.

PAD

Hero Initiative is auctioning off one-of-a-kind autographed team balls from the Marvel/DC softball game. A link to the Marvel ball is below. Yes, there’s a DC ball as well, but hey…you want to own the ball from the winning team, right? My signature is visible in the picture. Also has signatures of Joe Quesada, Paul Jenkins, Humberto Ramos, John Romita, Jr. and many others.

http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZheroinitiative

PAD