Colbert has a thing about bears. He’s always listing them as a major threat to America. So then this article hits:
“WEST MILFORD, N.J. (June 10) – A black bear picked the wrong yard for a jaunt, running into a territorial tabby who ran the furry beast up a tree – twice.
Jack, a 15-pound orange and white cat, keeps a close vigil on his property, often chasing small animals, but his owners and neighbors say his latest escapade was surprising.
“We used to joke, ‘Jack’s on duty,’ never knowing he’d go after a bear,” owner Donna Dickey told The Star-Ledger of Newark for Friday’s editions.
Neighbor Suzanne Giovanetti first spotted Jack’s accomplishment after her husband saw a bear climb a tree on the edge of their northern New Jersey property on Sunday. Giovanetti thought Jack was simply looking up at the bear, but soon realized the much larger animal was afraid of the hissing cat.
After about 15 minutes, the bear descended and tried to run away, but Jack chased it up another tree.”
I think Colbert should have the cat on as a guest. Maybe give him a medal or something.
PAD
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I guarantee he at least mentions it – he picks up every wire story that mentions bears. I half expected Jack to get a tip of the hat in last night’s “Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger” segment.
He’s also sure to mention the story that global warming is forcing polar bears to turn to cannibalism as they can’t get to their traditional sources of food thanks to melting ice.
Reminds of what my brother in law noticed one day. He brought home a dog that was 1-2 days from death due to starvation. A puppy that followed him home while he was out walking.
We ran out of Dog food and it was 2 days from pay day. I plum forgot to make em mac n cheese or pasta to keep em from gettign to hungry.
Pay day comes and Ralph tell me to look outside. There is Chucky chewing on the remians of a cat leg, the body was near by. I think it was the cat that died 9 months ago under the house that we couldnt reach. But it was less decomposed than I wouldve thought.
I make sure to buy 100lbs of dog food a month now. (3 dogs 2 are very small compared to chucky) We have seen Chucky kill mice or stray birds though.
Ok. (Backs slowly away…..)
This thread got strange faster then any other PAD thread that I’ve ever seen.
I have no idea who Colbert is but this story – almost word-for-word, and with accompanying colour photographs – made page 3 of Western Australia’s “The Sunday Times” newspaper.
A good fuzzy duck story knows no international boundaries.
JB
This cat is obviously a true American hero, fighting the godless killing machine threat that would run rampant and unchecked, were it not for this tiny tabby terrorist fighter!
The wire services obviously don’t know much about black bears, or they wouldn’t consider this newsworthy–black bears are much smaller and more timid than brown bears, and they much prefer to run instead of fight if they have the option to. I’ve seen a black bear treed by a scottie dog–heck, I practically ran into one while playing tag with my sister, and it ran away from me. And I’m probably less intimidating than the scottie dog. 🙂
In general, you don’t have much to worry about from black bears. So long as you don’t do anything stupid. (Which, on the subject, just because bear cubs don’t have teeth yet doesn’t mean you should stick your finger in their mouth. Learned that one the hard way.)
Yeah but if the black bear DOES attack remember–don’t play dead. That only works–sometimes–with brown bears or grizzlies. With balck bears you ahev to look intimidating or even fight back. However, this would probably be the exact wrong thing to do with a grizzly.
So you’d better know your bear. I also always carry pepper spray as well as a much slower companion when I go into the woods.
Bill,
What does it matter if your companion is slower or faster then you if you’re going to pepper spray him before you run away?
Pepper spray the companion before I run away…Jerry, you’re a genius…
The cat may have a male name, but I seriously wonder if it’s a female who had recently given birth; my experience with such cats would make chasing after a bear that came onto her territory perfectly believable.
Mulligan, if you and I meet in person, I am going to be keeping a very close eye on you…
What does it matter if your companion is slower or faster then you if you’re going to pepper spray him before you run away?
I’m glad I didn’t have a mouthful of pop when I read that.
That’s the funniest thing I’ve read all week. Spraying your companion, that is. The cat and bear story was a decent chuckle, but the line it generated was classic!
I live in West Milford, and the bears are a real nuisance. I’m glad that someone — who can’t be protested by filthy hippies — is taking matters into its own paws.
You guys have reminded me of that very old joke that ends with the punch line, ‘I don’t have to outrun it; I only have to outrun you!’ Apparently the joke works equally well with alligators, poisonous snakes and just about anything else you want to insert in lieu of bear.
All this “bear-baiting” (ha ha) reminds me of the outtake from Team America: World Police in which Spottswoode explains why everyone hates Winnie-the-Pooh. I won’t repeat it; it’s pretty profane. But one of the funniest hate-filled attacks on Pooh I’ve ever heard.
Didn’t biologists recently discover that from a genetic standpoint black, brown, and grizzly bears are all actually members of one species?
Neil Gaiman’s had a bear wandering around the vicinity of his house, including destroying his bird feeders (photos at http://www.birdchick.com/2006/05/i-really-dislike-mr-neils-bear.html). Here’s his reaction to the cat trees bear story:
“I’ve had words with my own cats about this. I’ve asked them what I pay them for and whether they think that cat-food and vet appointments grow on trees. I’ve explained that other cats can tree bears just by hissing at them. I refer them to my own short story “The Price” and point out that fighting devils is much harder than scaring bears.
My cats in their own turn point to the ten-foot tall reinforced steel bird-feeder pole in the garden that the bear casually bent into a boomerang shape in order to get to the bird-feeders, and tell me to just shut up and feed them and anyway they have some serious naps planned for this afternoon.”
When I was a kid there was a very nice cat in my building. We kids fed him, took him to the vet and made sure he was in order so he could stay in the building because he was really nice and patient, and we could allways be sure he wouldnt even hiss at us.
Until the day a neighbours german shepperd playfully barked at him. The little furry ball managed to render the poor dog blind by ripping his eyes. Now I love cats…from a distance.
Colbert Did it!
I hardly ever post, but I HAD to mention this!
WooHoo! Go PAD!
To clarify Ra’s exuberant statement, Colbert covered the story and awarded the cat a pair of “brass bells”, but did not actually have the cat (or a stunt double) on the show.
Yet.
Well, all I can say to Bill Myers if you DO meet Mulligan and he starts to look worried, TRIP HIM.
Now, is it just me overthinking it, or is Colbert’s whole bear thing just a way to tell us to watch out for people like him, since his name is Col-BEAR.
When my sister first came back up to Pennsylvania from North Carolina, she brought her two shih tzus. Now, we had a shih tzu, a collie, and a cat that could teach Shaft a thing or two about attitude. Now, Muffitt(for that was his name) didn’t mind Spca or Lint, our dogs, but the first time Mikey, my sister’s one dog, came over to check Muffitt out, he looked at Mikey as if to say “Go on. Cross that line. Notify your next of kin.” Mikey looked at him for a minute, then hid under the table.
Ya know, when I read the subject title, I was sort of thinking PAD had been asked to guest on the show. That would have been interesting.
When i was a kid in Cleveland (back around the Ice Age, it feels like sometimes) a family friend had a siamese who decided that the proper place for her kittens awas Daddy’s sock drawer. After the second time she moved them back there, they let her stay.
Family was out one nmight, burglar came in, apparently reached in the drawer and grabbed a kitten hard enough to make it squeak.
Family came home, observed the still-pìššëd cat patrolling, the general scene of carnage, called the cops, and, sure enough, the burglar was apprehended a day or so later when he went to a doctor for his wounds.
as to:
Ii>So you’d better know your bear. I also always carry pepper spray … when I go into the woods.
Dunno if you had this story in mind, but —
People in park geting lecture before hiking/camping. Ranger says wear jingle bells, since most bears will take off unles you surprise them,and carry pepper spray, in case.
Two kinds of bears — brownies and grizzlies. You can tell if they’re around by their scats. Brown bear doodoo looks like this, smells very strong.
“What does grizzlie bear scat look like?”
“That’s easy. It has jingle bells in it and smells like pepper.”
Are you sure this isn’t Scratch Fury, the sentient and would-be-world-conqueror orange cat from the PvP on-line comic strip? It sure couldn’t be Garfield.
“Ya know, when I read the subject title, I was sort of thinking PAD had been asked to guest on the show. That would have been interesting.”
PAD is a cat?
He’s one hep cat.
That visual’s not going to get out of my head all day! PAD in a beret in the front of Roads, the beat coffee house from So I Married An Axe Murderer, and all of us just hanging out in front of him snapping our fingers.
Somewhere Kerouac would be very confused.
The jingle bells thing–is this why bears hate Santa?
If the Amish want to use pepper spray, do they have to carry the grinder?
So Peter, any thoughts on Karl Rove not being indicted?
My favorite Colbert Report bear joke had to be when he warned about how Black Bears and Brown Bears are cross-breeding to kill human beings more efficently. “Add Teddy-Ruxbin’s storytelling ability, and you have a killing machine never before seen.” Or, uh, something like that.