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What the HELL is with this guy’s left eyebrow? He’s like Spock on crack.

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And here we go. We’re watching on NBC. Here is…Brian Williams.

9:01: Here come members of the Supreme Court. I think it’d be cooler if they all entered in one shoulder to shoulder line in slo-mo, like in “The Right Stuff.” Or “Monsters Inc.”

9:02: NBC commentators are talking about everything that’s wrong. I wonder if Fox is talking about everything that’s right.

9:03: Wow. Even Fox is talking about divisiveness. That can’t be good.

9:05: NBC speculates that Bush has changed the face of the SC for at least the next twenty years. Entirely possible, and too depressing to contemplate.

9:06: Bush is said to be in a small holding room. Makes him sound like a rodeo bull. I wonder if his testicles will be tied tightly to get a better show.

9:07: And now, in advance, the Democratic response: “Pbbbbbthhhh!”

9:08: The Sergeant at arms is “Bill Livingood.” Gotta love that name.

9:09: Caroline has offered her commentary in advance: The moment Bush was introduced, she farted and dropped a load in her diaper.

9:11: Four minutes of applause and counting.

9:11: And they applaud AGAIN? Just for being introduced? Bet the SC high-fived each other.

9:12: Okay, who had twenty-five words into the speech before he invoked King?

9:13: “Differences can’t harden into anger.” Sorry. That ship sailed in the year 2000.

9:15: Who had three minutes into the speech for 9/11?

9:16: Yes, Democracy has replaced terrorism with hope. In Israel, the hope is that the Democratically elected terrorists won’t destroy them.

9:17: Oh. Bin Laden is serious about mass murder. Funny. A few years ago, he said he wasn’t thinking about bin Laden much.

9:18: Terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror

9:19: Terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror terror

9:20 Yes. We liberated death camps…so we can open our own torture camps. It’s like Walmart liberating neighborhoods of mom and pop stores.

9:21: If he believes in freedom, in democracy, and in Iraq…why is he against the concept of Iraqis holding an election to determine whether we should leave or not?

9:22: We have a coalition? I thought we had our troops and three guys named Nigel.

9:23: Oh, NOW he’s going to listen to military commanders? The same ones who said that invading Iraq was a bad idea?

9:24: And here, before I could say that he was curtailing opinions he’d respond to to “Responsible opinion,” he goes and basically admits that anyone who doesn’t fit that–namely, those he doesn’t like–are being ignored.

9:25: “Second guessing isn’t a strategy.” Considering the lack of strategy going into Iraq in the first place…

9:27: All right. Who had eighteen minutes until he singled out one soldier and his family to hold up as a symbol of his wonderful war. The wife, trapped on camera, looked like an incredibly pissed off deer in the headlights.

9:28: Welcome to the state of the terror address.

9:29: Accountable institutions? The head of a government that tries to block any bid at accountability is talking about being held accountable?

9:30: Oh…my God…he’s talking about attacking Iran.

9:31: No one is talking about isolationism. People are talking about freaking invading other countries.

9:32: By all means, let’s not shortchange the efforts of a compassionate America. We should…oops. More terrorism talk.

9:33: Does he understand it’s possible to support the military, law enforcement…and not the President?

9:34: AND NOW WE’VE GOT A GAME. Half of them sit while the other half stands in supporting the patriot act. “We didn’t know about their plans until it was too late.” This is the point where Jon Stewart would cut to a clip of Condi Rice saying, “I believe the title was ‘Bin laden intends to attack US”

9:35: Hillary is shaking her head thinking “You asshole.”

9:35: The Master of Accountability insists that he must have an eavesdropping program that doesn’t require accountability.

9:37: He has the gall to invoke FDR and JFK?

9:38: Whenever Bush speaks of “Natural disasters” I keep thinking I’m looking at the biggest one to hit the US in years.

9:39; No one is saying immigrants are bad for the economy. They’re saying illegal immigrants are bad for the economy.

9:39: He’s gonna try for more tax cuts.

9:40: There it is.

9:41: Symbolic, really. The Democrats are expressing distaste by sitting on their asses. When are they gonna realize they have to GET OFF THEIR ASSES TO MAKE THINGS BETTER?

9:42: Right, right. Line item veto. Notice the hypocrisy of the GOP applauding when they screamed over Clinton trying the same thing.

9:43: YES! YES! YES! THEY GOT OFF THEIR ASSES!

9:44: I have NEVER seen a president look THAT PISSED OFF during the SOTU!

9:45: No one can outproduce the American worker. Except, y’know, maybe Japan.

9:45: And China. And Korea. And…

9:46: No you’re not meeting the responsibility of health care for the poor and elderly. You cut it.

9:47: Okay, that’s a good point. The medical liability thing is, if nothing else, driving OBGYNs out of the baby delivery business.

9:48: “Clean safe nuclear energy.” There’s a contradiction in terms.

9:49: I’m all for making dependence on ME oil a thing of the past. Certainly invading them to try and take it by force isn’t working.

9:51: A firm grounding in math and science? Here’s a fast way to start: Make it illegal for kids to have pocket calculators with them during math tests. What the hell is up with that?

9:52: We don’t need more advanced math courses. We need more remedial courses. We’ve got a population that can’t do the most basic functions.

9:53: Yes, we’ve become a more hopeful nation: And yet, no matter how much we hope, Bush is still there.

9:54: BUSH is talking about personal responsbility? That’s like Hannibal Lecter talking about becoming a vegetarian.

9:55: The pessimists predicted Bush would be elected and re-elected. They were right about that.

9:58: I’m sorry. I don’t see where a guy who endorses torture, spying on citizens, capital punishment, and cutting off medical research that could cure Altzheimers gets to talk about being compassionate.

10:01: By all means, let’s do whatever we can to eliminate AIDS. So how’s that condom in schools program working out?

10:02: And now he obliquely compares himself to Lincoln and MLK. How does he find trousers that hang right with balls that big?

10:03: Interesting that of the four major political/historical figures he compared himself to, three of them were assassinated.

10:03: Fifty one minutes. Hunh. I have to think that Caroline’s commentary at the beginning was the most succinct.

I’ll be watching the State of the Union tonight and will be offering a running commentary as it goes on this site. If you’re interested in an unbiased, even-handed, completely fair series of observations on the President’s address to the country, then I suggest you stay the hell away from here. It begins at 9 PM EST.

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So my daughter, Gwen, an art student up in Boston, was taking a class that was an overview of Aztec art. The teacher was discussing the Spanish conquest of the Aztecs, and at one point she endeavored to put things into historical perspective. “What else,” she asked the class, “was going on in Spain during the 15th century?”

Gwen raised her hand and replied,”The Spanish Inquisition.”

“And what was the Spanish Inqusition?” asked the teacher.

Without hesitation, Gwen replied, “Unexpected.”

Dead silence from the class. The teacher laughed. The rest of the class just frickin’ sat there.

I think she was relieved when she told me what happened and I laughed, and then I related it to Kath and she laughed. At least *we* got the joke. Shows we raised Gwen right.

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I’m sorry if this question sounds harsh, but there’s no other way to phrase it: What the hell is wrong with the bulk of Christians in this country that if Jesus is depicted as loving and accepting, that portrayal is stoned into oblivion, but if he’s depicted as being beaten and tortured to death, THAT they come flocking to watch by the busload?

“The Book of Daniel” was an incredibly good program that was quick-fried by people who, for the most part, hadn’t seen it or refused to see it. Critics and commentators loved demonizing concepts such as that the titular minister “popped pills” without bothering to mention it wasn’t speed or uppers or downers but pain killers…an addiction he was wrestling with rather than being glorified. Or that his daughter “dealt drugs,” without bothering to mention that it was a stupid mistake she was busted for in the first five minutes of the show, and she quickly gave it up, and that she was doing it to raise money to publish her own manga comic since she was really an artist. Nor did anyone ever bring up the many scenes where the family was shown as a loving, caring group who never hesitated to display that love for one another.

But what really drew fire was the concept of Jesus as a patient sounding board for the frustrated Daniel. If they’d only bothered to actually WATCH the program, rather than allow blowhards to make up their minds for them, they’d have seen a depiction of their savior that’s probably the most heart warming and loving version of divinity since George Burns explained, “I didn’t create the universe in six days. Actually, I thought about it for five days and did it in one. I work best under pressure. But my days aren’t the same as yours, y’know. When I got up this morning, Sigmund Freud was in medical school.”

Sample the triumphant words of Donald Wildmon: “This shows the average American that he doesn’t have to simply sit back and take the trash being offered on TV, but he can get involved and fight back with his pocketbook.”

No. What it shows is that the average American is intolerant. So much so that he couldn’t JUST make the decision to try a program for himself and, if he didn’t like it, change the channel or even, God forbid, turn off the TV and read a book. No, the average American had to do everything possible to make sure that OTHER average Americans couldn’t judge for THEMselves by organizing and driving a series off the air. Of course, what most burned their biscuits was Jesus being depicted as being tolerant of sinners or even (gasp) gays. If Jesus had been shown as condemning all aspects of sin and assuring Daniel that his gay son was doomed to hell, THAT they might well have supported.

But for Jesus to display tolerance of sinners…for Wildmon to display tolerance of other Americans rather than organize to drive quality shows off the air? Can’t have that, no, no. Because…well, because why, exactly? Aren’t Christians supposed to be charitable, tolerant, understanding? I was pretty much sure that was part of the teachings.

What is it about human beings that we constantly create codes of conduct for ourselves with lofty ideals–tolerance, love thy neighbor, judge not lest ye be judged, free expression–and then not only fail to live up to them, but TAKE PRIDE in that failure? It’s an interesting question, I think. Too bad shows such as “The Book of Daniel,” where such questions might be explored, are being canned.

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So what did you think?

A friend at Magnolia Pictures, the distributor of a new film, “The World’s Fastest Indian” starring Anthony Hopkins, invited Kathleen and I to the premiere screening. Hopkins, along with director Roger Donaldson, were both in attendance.

WFI is based on the true story of Burt Munro, an aged cycle jockey from New Zealand who wound up setting new land speed records at the Salt Flats in Utah back in the 1960s. Hopkins, deftly managing an extremely tricky accent, is the glue that holds together the episodic tale (also written by Donaldson) as Munro essays his monumental journey from down under to the States, encountering an assortment of colorful characters along the way and handling everyone and everything with deft charm and good humor. And the high speed sequences, when he finally proves to the doubting racers just what he and his 1920 Indian cycle are capable of, are exhilerating.

We attended the reception afterward, where I had the chance to speak briefly with Donaldson and ask him about the filming techniques involved in the high speed sequences–in which they actually got their cycle up to 150 miles per hour. And we also talked to Hopkins, who graciously signed a WFI postcard to Ariel (she stayed home and babysat Caroline, but was jealous when she found out that we were going to a party with Don Diego Vega from “The Mask of Zorro.” So I’m figuring the autograph evens things.) He and Kathleen actually worked on the same film some years back: “Freejack.” I’ll leave you to read Kath’s blog as she describes her chat with him about a movie in which said they were “partners in pain.”

If “World’s Fastest Indian” speeds your way, be sure to see it.

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Okay, it’s time once again to take your best guess, this time on who’s gonna snuff it on “Smallville.”

Personally, I still think the entire concept is appalling. Jor-El decrees that for Clark to live, someone else must die? What is up with THAT? For a moment there I thought that they were saying it wasn’t Jor-El at all but, instead, General Zod, and that made tons of sense to me. But no, apparently that IS supposed to be Jor-El, and the gargantuan guilt trip they’d be laying on Clark here…I just think it’s pretty damned depressing. Anyway…lessee what we’ve got:

CHLOE–1-1. Yes. She’s the most obvious, since she’s never shown up anywhere else in the Superman universe. Y’know what? Last time I dismissed something as being “too” obvious. If, as it appears in adverts, Clark is proposing to Lana in the Fortress, he’s coming clean with her. For a reporter there’s Lois, for a female who knows Clark’s ID there’s Lana. Chloe becomes superfluous. So this time I’m saying, Yeah, this is the most likely victim. But right up behind her is…

PA KENT–2-1. Second most obvious. He has a heart condition already. It would leave one parent still around. And in several versions of Superman continuity, Pa dies while Clark is still young, so it dovetails with that. For that matter…

MA KENT–5-2. It would provide a bit of a switch, thinking it’s gonna be one parent and it turns out to be another. Plus she’s been hanging out with Lionel, and that never turns out well. For that matter…

MA & PA KENT–7-2. Clark becomes an orphan. On the cusp of adulthood, that which anchors him to Smallville would evaporate, setting him up for a final season in which he readies himself to become a citizen of the world…a citizen that anyone in Smallville would still take one look at and say, “Hey, Clark, what’s with the tights?” Look for a mysterious glowing light that mindwipes everyone’s recollection of Clark’s face in the final Smallville episode, I’m thinking.

LANA LANG–10-1. Yes, she’s in current continuity, but that doesn’t mean anything. Plus if Clark proposes and she accepts, she’s toast. Which leads us to conclude that either she accepts and dies, or she says no and lives. Bottom line, I suspect the latter.

LIONEL LUTHOR–20-1. The advantage is that it spares Clark the emotional guilt trip because, really, how choked up would he be? It’d be particularly compelling if Lex is the one who kills him, and frankly, Lionel’s been boring the crap out of me for close to two seasons now (it’s not the actor’s fault; the character just seems all over the map.) On the other hand, just how “close” is Lionel to Clark?

PETE ROSS–20-1. The upside is that it doesn’t disrupt the week-to-week series, and it doesn’t put an actor out of work. The downside is that, since he’s been gone for a couple seasons, there’s zero emotional impact. Not likely.

EINSTEIN, a.k.a. Krypto–25-1. Don’t look at me like that. He’s someone close to Clark. I didn’t make up the criteria.

DOCTOR QUENTIN COSTA–40-1. Hey…it could happen.

LEX LUTHOR–Quadrillion to zero. We saw his future: He’s the President.

LOIS LANE–Quadrillion to Zero minus 5. Now for all I know the guys in the “Smallville” offices are chortling and saying, “They’ll never see THIS coming.” But I suspect we don’t see it coming because it ain’t coming. No fricking way.

Of course, let’s not forget: This is comics, or more accurately, comics-based fiction. Someone dies. Okay. But there’s nothing to say that they wouldn’t come back somehow. Here’s hoping that Clark doesn’t make the Earth turn backwards, because there’s only so many times you can pull THAT stunt.

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Google is endeavoring to fight a government subpoena of its records. They are to be commended for their determination to resist yet more government fishing expeditions into the private lives of American citizens.

Nowadays whenever the government strives to intrude into everyday life, two reasons are cited: It’s to fight terrorists, or it’s to protect the children. In this instance, it’s the latter, as the government is endeavoring to crack down on child porn. As always happens in these cases, if one defends a privacy right or a right of free expression, those in opposition try to paint you as immoral: “Don’t you care about keeping America safe?” “Don’t you care about protecting innocent children?” The answer of course is, Sure I do. I just don’t believe that the government should be able to do any damned thing it wants in that pursuit, especially when it sets precedents for being more trampling on rights of the individual.

You know what’s interesting? This administration automatically believes that desiring a right to privacy is tantamount to masking wrong-doing (“If you’re having conversations with Al Quaeda, we want to know about it,” said Bush in his loopy disconnected way of justifying his impeachable action of illegal wiretaps). This is also one of the most secretive administrations around. Do they assume wrong-doing on the parts of others who want their privacy…because they themselves are up to no good, and thus assume that anyone who wants to maintain their privacy likewise is?

In any event, kudos to google for taking a stand. Google has done nothing illegal. If one is throwing about subpoenas, one should at least have SOME shred of proof that the person being subpoenaed deserves it.

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Yes, the book that even we at Marvel have started calling “F’n Spider-Man” has its fourth issue–and second one by me–out this week.

Whad’ja think?

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If Hillary Clinton’s goal was to get some ink in saying that the Senate was like a plantation, then it was a really smart thing to say. If, on the other hand, she was trying to draw a remotely accurate metaphor, I don’t think that was the way to go.

Her representatives have tried to justify it by saying that the Senate is being run by the Bossman and opposing views are stifled. Yeah, okay, but that also describes any number of corporations. No one is in the Congress or Senate against their will, no one is being beaten, and no one is being hunted down if they leave. There’s just way too much baggage attached to the concept of plantations to try and pare it down to, “Our attempts to present our views are being stifled.” I mean, she could just as easily address the UJA and say the Senate is like a concentration camp, and it would be just as questionable.

If she’d wanted to be clever, she could have said, “I’m not saying the Senate is like, say, a plantation. Not at all. I mean, yes, Democrats are being given no more respect by Republicans than the Bossman gave his workers, and we have about as much input into the way things are being done. And it can be certainly stated that the Senate is giving little to no attention to the needs of its black constituents. But it’s definitely NOT like a plantation…yet.” That makes it slightly harded for critics to come back and say, “So you’re saying the Senate is like a plantation?!” to which she replies, “Uh, no, I said it isn’t like one. Are you reading impaired?”

Now the Mayor of New Orleans, on the other hand…what the hell is up with THAT guy? I mean, geez, if the mayor of a mostly white city that had been wiped out by a tornado said it was punishment from God because they’d let blacks in, and this was a message that it should be exclusively a white city, the guy would be hung out to dry. So what’s this “New Orleans needs to be chocolate again.” Okay, yeah, he’s been under some stress, but holy crap. I have to think there’s plenty of black constituents who have–if nothing else–made plenty of money off white tourists who are saying, “Shut the hell up!”

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I thought you guys might be interested in checking out the cover art for my book on writing comics at Amazon.

Whattaya think? Think my name’s big enough?

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Yesterday it was in the low 60s and one could actually walk around outside in shirt sleeves.

Today the temperature has dropped to below freezing, the wind is blasting at something around thirty miles and hour, snow is blowing around, and the streets and sidewalks are sheets of ice.

It’s a good day for staying in, working, watching PBA bowling at 1 PM, and being grateful that we’re living in something other than a refrigerator box.

Also, we’re deep in the midst of potty training Caroline, so this is a good day to focus on that.

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Got to love the corporate thinking. There’s Bob Greenberger putting out thousands upon thousands of pages of reprint material with an understaffed department. Mistakes were made, just as mistakes are made in all realms of publishing. So Bob finally gets the additional personnel he needs and institutes check systems to make sure no further problems occur…and he’s let go for a publishing error that occurred BEFORE the new check systems were in place.

I fully understand the consumer mindset that wants everything perfect for the high-priced volume they’re purchasing. I don’t understand, however, the corporate mindset that tosses aside someone with a total of, all told, well over a decade of service to the company. Then again, speaking as someone who hasn’t been offered new work in the DCU for going on nine years (the last new title I got was “Young Justice #1) maybe I do understand it at that.

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Thanks to Queen Anthai for drawing the following to my attention: According to a brand spanking new law, it is now illegal for internet denizens to–get this–”annoy” people while posting under fake names.

Now I’ve been an outspoken critic of people who snipe from anonymity. But it would never have occurred to me to ask the government to step in and do something about it. I’d just as soon leave it in the hands of resourceful guys like Glenn. As much as the notion of sending X-Ray to the lock-up for a couple years appeals to me, certainly this has to be a travesty of First Amendment inteference. I can just see it:

“What are you in for?”

“I shot and killed a Federal agent. What about you?”

“I pissed off Peter David on his website”

Did anyone tell Bush that there are amendments other than the second that he’s supposed to protect? Read more at:

http://news.com.com/Create+an+e-annoyance%2C+go+to+jail/2010-1028_3-6022491.html?tag=nefd.top

One of the better kept secrets of my recent output has been my involvement in a short story collection entitled, “Meeting Across the River: Stories Inspired by the Haunting Bruce Springsteen Song.” It is just what it says it is: A series of short stories inspired by that one song.

Well, there’s now an audio version out, and it was the subject of a starred review in the January 2, 2006 Publishers Weekly (starred means that special notice should be taken). And amongst the various generally positive assessments, the reviewer says:

“Harlan Ellison supplies a rich, no-holds-barred reading of Peter David’s inspired fantasy, “Killing Time by the River Styx.”

Basically, the folks who were doing the adaptation approached Harlan as to whether he’d like to do the reading (since, in case you don’t know, Harlan has done many readings of material that wasn’t his own.) Harlan in turn wouldn’t have taken the gig if it wasn’t cool with me. And part of me would have liked to do the reading myself, but then I thought, “Y’know…it’ll probably sound better if Harlan does it, so what the hell.”

Obviously PW agreed. So try and turn up a copy of either the original book in order to read the story (anthology edited by Jessica Kaye and Richard Brewer) or the audio version on Blackstone Audiobooks, ISBN 0-7867-7632-6). And, hey, if you’re voting for the Hugos for short stories of 2005, remember, PW says it’s an “inspired fantasy.”

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I mean, you’d think that trolls were limited to internet schmucks who go around and say deliberately provocative things for the sole purpose of getting noticed and stirring up trouble. One generally assumes them to be adolescents at best, living in their parents’ basements.

And then we get Pat Robertson. Pat Robertson, Trolling for God. God’s troll. No tragedy too great, no suffering too unspeakable, to prevent Robertson from trolling for God. You’ve heard of Holy Rollers? Meet the Holy Troller. You know it must be working, because really, how many times do you see what this jackass has to say and–no matter what your faith–you find yourself saying, “Jesus!”

Ariel Sharon, according to Pat Robertson, had a massive stroke courtesy of God because of the way he was trying to make peace in the Middle East. As Jon Stewart pointed out, certainly the fact that he was in his seventies, overweight, and overstressed might have had SOMETHING to do with it. If Ariel Sharon had suddenly spontaneously combusted, okay, maybe the hand of God is in there somewhere. Short of that, I have to think that it’s just nature catching up with him. But it is nothing short of repulsive that Robertson views everything in terms of God’s approval or disapproval, and that when tragedy befalls someone–no matter what it may be–the Holy Troller claims that it’s God’s wrath that the hapless individual brought down upon himself. Eternal punishment. You know what eternal punishment is? Five minutes of being exposed to Pat Robertson. Yes, it’s only five minutes, but it FEELS like an eternity.

Personally, I’m dubious about the whole life after death thing. But boy, it sure would be nice if such a thing existed, just so one could imagine Pat Robertson coming face to face with the Being whose words he’s claimed to represent all these years, just so that Being could say, “I swear to me, you’re SUCH an asshole.”

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From cloudeagle: Scattershot stuff:

* People tend to be much more forgiving when you ding their car, or transform it into a jagged, smoldering pile of scrap metal, if you’re 12 feet tall and green.

* With a hefty girder and the proper swing, you can grant a lucky soldier the enduring human dream of unassisted flight for 350 yards or so.

* A really big guy CAN run up the side of a building, but building manager will need the phone number of a trusty construction contractor handy for afterwards.

* Though throwing a boulder at a tank yields good results, throwing a cow at a tank doesn’t really do anything. (Note to self: try throwing the cow at a helicopter. Aim for the blades.)

* You know the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants? Who have heartwarming tales while sharing a pair of pants that makes the wearer’s butt look great no matter their body type? I think the Hulk’s a member of that. Because no matter what he or his alter ego Bruce Banner does — cause a smallish skyscraper to collapse around him, get hit by a rocket, gain 800 pounds in 10 seconds — his pants always look great. I wonder what heartwarming tales the Hulk could share?

Kudos to the Academy for selecting Jon Stewart to head up this year’s Oscars. I will go out on a limb and say that, far more than Letterman (whose Uma/Oprah thing was reviled mostly because people didn’t realize he was riffing an absolutely classic “New Yorker” essay called “Yma Dream”), Stewart is the late-night host who combines a sense of comedy and gravitas better than anyone since Johnny Carson. What a challenge. But I’m sure he’ll be up to it.

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I’ve been speaking with Chris Ryall (who, by the way, just became a dad to a brand new daughter, Lucy, so congrats there) and IDW is so pleased with the numbers on “Fallen Angel” (not to mention the critical reception) that the series will definitely continue past issue #5 on a monthly basis. So huzzahs all around.

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