A STRAY THOUGHT

Posted By: Glenn HaumanPosted On:

What would the world be like if spam mail was true?

For starters, we’d all be millionaires thanks to our help in transferring money from deposed South African politicians, and men would never have to worry about pëņìš size again.

PAD

50 comments on “A STRAY THOUGHT”

  1. I’m sure Bill gates would have given me his millions quite a few times over buy now! and i’m sure that AOL would have paid for that heart and lung transplant the 3 days old needed – just by me forwarding on an e-mail! wow!!

    on another note – why is it spam?? in England, thats a type of meat in a tin!

  2. Its a type of meat in a can in the US as well. I’ve never understood how it came to be used in reference to junk e-mail

  3. Um… well, my first thoughts were that you received so many of them, it was like the old Monty Python sketch (SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM… SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM… honey they vikings are singing again)

    But most likely it means “Same Posted Article Multiplied.” or something like that.

    The origins of the name is lost, at least as far as I can tell. It started out in newsgroups and then just grew in infinity… It may have something to do with the SMTP server…

    I’ll continue looking up on this, just because it is interesting. Unless someone has a definitive answer.

    Travis

  4. I blame Monty Python myself and the “Spam Song”

    Kathleen

    “I Don’t like Spam!”

  5. Yes, and we’d all be content just looking at “free” pørņ all day long.

    We’d also have our houses refinanced every couple hours (must stay with the going interest rate, you know!), and get great deals on prescription drugs from other countries.

    w00t indeed.

  7. But I have millions of dollars and I don’t worry about my pëņìš size.

  8. >>But I have millions of dollars and I don’t worry about my pëņìš size.

    Posted by The Random Guy<<

    And yet you can’t afford to attach your real name to a post. Perhaps your pëņìš size just isn’t sufficient…

    PAD

  9. Well, I look forward to the day when spam can be taken seriously…so that men like me can increase our bust size the natural way. =0

  10. But in PAD’s world we ALL “Might Already Be a Millionaire” and just need to verify it with a few mouse clicks (oh, yeah, and our credit card number supplied solely for purposes of verification before Collecting Our Vast Winnings!!)

  11. No thanks. All those lonely housewives waiting for me to come over and misbehave with them is a terrifying thought.

    One wife is more than I can handle now, thank you.

    And gads – think of that lady+horse romantic combo. Do I want to live in a world where I actually find that sort of stuff interesting?!

  13. >>What would the world be like if spam mail was true?<<

    Not to mention: my house would be re-mortgaged out the proverbial wazoo ( rates have NEVER been lower, don’cha know!! ) !!

    Hooper

  15. If spam mail were true, then we’d all have degrees from prestegious, nonacredited universities. Well, I guess we could have those anyway, but then they might actually count for something.

  16. Or how about the fact that I can “Eliminate” the “Evidence” of what websites I’ve visited. Although, I do think the larger size would come in handy for the hot, young college girls who throw themselves at me.

    Read my new column “Shut Up, Chuck!” at http://www.comicsnet.vze.com or http://www.comicsnet.cjb.net. It may not be something right now, but I’ll get better, and when I do, I shall be in the highest tier of columnists, such as PAD or Rich Johnston.

    OY vey, I’m probably dámņëd for life now. 🙂

  18. bmreman wrote:

    Just wondered what PAD or anyone else might think about this article.

    My two cents is that it doesn’t surprise me. When people are so patriotic that it blinds them, or so scared about what might happen, the first thing to go is the freedom of expression.

    Ari Fleisher (I know, I know, spelled it wrong probably) showed that when he publicly warned Bill Maher about what he said on Politically Incorrect (interesting that it was cancelled soon after).

    What people don’t get, especially those “America: Love it or Leave it” types, is that it is our right and responsibility to disagree with the government. It’s called the Bill of Rights, folks. And whether you or I like it, it gives us the right to express ourselves and own guns, all in ten little items.

    Anyway, that’s my soapbox.

    Travis

  19. The actual meat is produced in a town about 3 hours from me – the Spam Plant, as it might be called, is in Austin, MN.

  20. Here’s Something, I just got a Spam e-mail to offers to me software to block spam.

    I don’t know why, but it reminds me of that “Garfield and Friends” episode where Garfield was buying junk off of a home shopping network, and if the eccentric items, Jon mentioned that Garfield had bought a “Battery recharger that’s only good for re-charging its own batteries.”

  21. Well, I can always post a name without it BEING my name.

    But then again, I’m not RandomGuy in the first place.

  22. ABOUT SUPERGIRL — WHO IS APPARENTLY FROM ARKANSAS

    Why did Supergirl marry the Silver Age Superman? Didn’t she still have Matrix’s memories? Isn’t Matrix for all intents and purposes Superman’s sister? Isn’t that like major INCEST as far as Linda Danvers is concerned? I know “life is too short,” but not so short that your mother and father should be brother and sister.

    Also, was this Linda adventure supposed to take place on Earth-1 or some Earth-1-like planet? Because I don’t remember a Superboy co-existing with Superman on Earth-1.(As seen in the panel where Linda married Kal-El.) And why did we see more of Kara than we did Linda? I thought this issue was supposed to be a romp thorugh the Silver Age! And, although the cover of this issue might have been cute for older readers, younger readers might have been confused at the sight of Kara holding Linda in the “death of Supergirl” Crisis pose. Especially since SUPERGIRL DIDN’T DIE IN THIS ISSUE! PAD, were you relying on institutional memory to carry readers through this issue?

  23. PAD:

    Correct me if I’m wrong. At the end of Captain Marvel #6, we have Genis going re-insane. He still remembers everything that happened before he helped destroy and re-create the universe. (Meeting the Punisher, joining the Kree, killing lots and lots of people, ect.) However, since the universe has been destroyed and re-created none of that stuff actually HAPPENED. Therefore we have a Captain Marvel on our hands who is a killer but technically has not killed anyone.

    Is this a fair assessment?

    BTW: So the person/entity that Genis beat the living Hëll out of in the prior issue really was the ghost of Mar-Vell? And that strangely-incripted tombstone under which Genis was buried was real?

  24. Off Topic for a moment… The Uk Proposes a March 17th Deadline for Iraq. Now I’m wondering if this is formally adopted and Saddam is not complying in a satisfactory matter, what are we going to do on March 17th, go to Iraq and Pinch Saddam for not wearing Green?

    On topic, I apparently can find out anything about my friends, my family, My enemies, my employees, even myself, if this Spam were real universe.

    Charles F. Waldo

    No I’m not going to explain the pinching thing, figure it out yourself.

  25. The Kents took care of Matrix for a while, but that wouldn’t in any way make her Superman’s sister, even in Arkansas.

    The Superboy appearance is easily explained. He came back with the teenaged LSH (see Colossal Boy standing there next to him?) for the wedding. Of course, Saturn Girl’s post-hypnotic suggestion will make him forget the whole thing when he goes back to his own time.

    I mean, you’ve just got to think these things through. 🙂

  26. YOU think it through, PAD-apologist.

    I’ll concede your point about Superboy, but Matrix in the past has acted like she considers Superman a brother. From the time he rescued her from the pocket universe until she merged with Linda.

    In the very first issues of PAD’s Supergirl she indicates she thinks of the Kents as parents. She wasn’t just some chick who slept over at the Kents’ home for awhile.

    Another Earth-1 glitch: The Green Lantern in the wedding panel looks more like Kyle Rayner than Hal Jordan. Wassup with that? Kyle didn’t exist on Earth-1.

    But back to the incest thing: In addition to Linda having memories of Matrix regarding Superman as a brother there’s the whole Earth-1-Superman-falling-in-love-with-a-woman-he-originally-thought-was-his-first-cousin thing.

    I mean, what is Superboy saying to himself? “Look! My destiny in the future is to … INBREED?”

    For what apparently was many years, this Superman clearly thought of Linda as his cousin. Then in one second he just decides, “Hey! I’m in LOVE with you, cuz! Let’s git it on!”

    WhatEVER.

  27. PAD (Sorry Peter)

    >>But I have millions of dollars and I don’t worry about my pëņìš size.

    Posted by The Random Guy<<

    And yet you can’t afford to attach your real name to a post. Perhaps your pëņìš size just isn’t sufficient…

    PAD

    I am a radio DJ in New Zealand and more people know me by The Random Guy than they do by my real name.

    Hope that is a good enough reply for you

  29. Some one has been posting on this site falsely using my name. I will be deleting his posts. If this continues, I’ll take further action ranging from required passwords to simply shutting down the option of people responding. I won’t have this kind of crap.

    In response to:

    >>Correct me if I’m wrong. At the end of Captain Marvel #6, we have Genis going re-insane. He still remembers everything that happened before he helped destroy and re-create the universe. (Meeting the Punisher, joining the Kree, killing lots and lots of people, ect.) However, since the universe has been destroyed and re-created none of that stuff actually HAPPENED. Therefore we have a Captain Marvel on our hands who is a killer but technically has not killed anyone.

    Is this a fair assessment?<<

    It certainly seems so. However, I wrote issue #6 to be ambiguous. There was a school of thought, for instance, that claimed the *entire* six parter occurred completely inside Genis’ head. There’s room for that interpretation as well.

    >>BTW: So the person/entity that Genis beat the living Hëll out of in the prior issue really was the ghost of Mar-Vell? And that strangely-incripted tombstone under which Genis was buried was real?<<

    I felt the Mar-Vell he beat up on was in fact an image conjured by Entropy. And I figured his Kree girlfriend built the tombstone.

    PAD

  30. On supergirl marrying Superman:

    Clark states that he knew from jump that SG wwasn’t his cousin. He just went along with everything to see what her evil scheme was. One he figured she had noevil scheme, he fell in love. But as for SG/Matrix… Um, I really can’t say. Besides, it’s not HER superman anyway, right?

  32. I know it’s not true, but in a better world, SPAM would stand for “scientifically produced animal-like matter.”

  33. PAD, please find the name-stealing b&%#$@d and string him/her/it up by his/her/it’s mouseballs. Communicating on this blog is too much fun to lose to some coward who thinks it’s great to use someone else’s name. (Sort of like the people who pass on the “Bad American” glurge and claim authorship by George Carlin despite his constant denial on his own website.)

  35. First of all, I LIKE SPAM! (the food, not the junk e-mail.) And I always assumed spam was called that because of the Python skit. You know “spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans and spam.” One important message among a lot of unwanted stuff. And did you ever wonder about that cream that makes women’s breasts grow larger? If they rub it on, wouldn’t it make their hands bigger too?

  36. I have read that in certain Asian nations, specifically South Korea and perhaps Japan, SPAM is actually considered a delicacy. This is partly becasue it was brought and distributed by American soldiers, and so inspires among certain members of the population a sense of nostalgia. Indeed, giving a South Korean person a decorative container of SPAM is considered a wonderful holiday gift.

    My point, other than to enlighten about the eating habits of our Asian frieds, is to ask what the Asians call their own junk e-mail? Incidentally, the good people of Hormel foods, who make SPAM, do NOT like the fact that their product name is used in this manner.

    Ben Hunt

  37. <>

    you know, i never thought of that. kinda frightening implications, though…

    like, would it work in, *ahem*, other areas?

    -eD!

    whose pëņìš size is not sufficient, and still leaves his real name.

  38. Incidentally, the good people of Hormel foods, who make SPAM, do NOT like the fact that their product name is used in this manner.

    More precisely, from the actual Hormel SPAM website:

    “We do not object to use of this slang term to describe UCE [unsolicited commercial email], although we do object to the use of our product image in association with that term. Also, if the term is to be used, it should be used in all lower-case letters to distinguish it from our trademark SPAM, which should be used with all uppercase letters.”

  39. Yep. Spam is hugely popular in Hawaii, as well. You can find it in fine restaurants, sushi, anywhere. Apparently, there’s a huge stockpile somewhere on the big island, just in case they’re cut off from the mainland…

  40. <<“…and men would never have to worry about pëņìš size again.”

    PAD >>

    Maybe not, but the women certainly would.

  41. If what the titles of my spam told me was true, I’d have about 800 million friends I’d lost track of, each of whom had finally found me. A friend who wants me to know where I can get some really good barnyard pornography.

  42. Probably the best comment as to spam (the canned variety) could be taken from an old FRANK & ERNEST gag where a disappointed-looking Frank is rejoining his co-workers at the Kwiki-food trade show booth.

    “I’ve got bad news from the Food and Drug Administration. They say we can call it ‘new’ and we can call it ‘improved’, but we can’t call it ‘food.’

  43. That would be interesting to say the least. It would be interesting to be a millionare. 🙂 Hey Peter are you a Millionare?

  44. Mr. David, I feel sorry for your anger at the person messing with this forum. But it all comes back to spam, doesn’t it?

    I know you’ve been tortured by this in the past and present, and probably future as well. The annoying, anonymous person on the Internet who messes with your life – and has none of his own – is the largest frustration in computing life, because there is nothing that can directly be done about it.

    But the Punisher could…

    In fact, this is the real mission for Batman. (I know, Oracle would be better at finding the perps on the Internet, but she couldn’t keep her own show on the air.) He would hunt down and terrorize those superstitious, cowardly posters in the dark, dim basements of their parents where they live. Mom would bring Nicky his noonday snack, to find him cringing in the corner, with a mysterious bat-shaped symbol spray-painted on the wall beneath the cryptic phrase, “Phear my l33t skillz, biznatch!”

    Oh, and as for the REAL Spam…I turned up my nose to it. (My late father ate it during World War II because he had no other kind of meat available, and forbid even the mention of Spam in our house.) Then, at (believe it or not) the monthly computer show and sale here, Hormel set up a “Spam” trailer where they were giving samples of the stuff, grilled on a George Foreman grill on a bun. I was surprised at how good it tasted when grilled this way. Now I keep Spam around as a convenient snack. (If Dad wasn’t dead, this would kill him.)

  45. Actually, I think we’d all be freaks of nature. It’s a bit surreal when I get the following 4 emails to A) increase my pëņìš size, B) increase my bust size, C) get a cheap viagra substitute and D) a viagra type item for women, all at pretty much the same time. We can all be bigger and keep going all night long.

  46. Some sort of advertising may be necessary. The bandwidth from these cable modems and content providers really isn’t free, nor paid for by the ISP oor by your 50 bucks to the Cable modem company. While UCB is undoubtedly wrong, the internet requires $ to saty nice and speedy particularly as peeps keep latching on with fast connections. Solicitations to viable sites that do legitimate business have their place. Just some food for thought.

    BTW Peter, I was always a fan of your work on Hulk and now Supergirl and due to this Blog I went out and bought Sir Apropos of Nothing and enjoyed it. The character’s moral uhm flexibility made the first book made this a thoughtful and disturbing read while maintaining a comedic fantasy motif. I picked up Woad to Wuin yesterday. I think I am missing some of those puns though. I’m surprised there isn’t SPAM ojn getting a One Thing device guaranteed. Seems a natch!

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