Ooooooooo… Sommmeone hit a neeerrrve…

Note: for reasons that will become apparent upon reading, this is the current column from the Comics Buyer’s Guide.

(In best sing-song voice) Sommmeone hit a neeerrrve…

A recent Marvel news conference took a surprising turn when Marvel reps lashed out at CBG columnist Heidi MacDonald, who stated in passing in one column that “most retailers” were not supportive of, or even pleased about, Marvel’s minimal reorder/reprint policy.

I say “minimal” to avoid anyone jumping up, waving their hand to get attention, and saying, “Ah, but what about when such-and-such was reprinted.” What I’m talking about is a routine policy of going back to press on hot titles so retailers can have them in their store. Or having enough copies available to compensate for damaged or strayed copies. Not a reprint or overprint policy so restrictive that when a title is overprinted, it becomes basis for a press release.

When Heidi said “most,” my assumption (and yes, I know the dangers of assuming, but let us go out on a limb) was that she meant most retailers to whom she had spoken, or most retailers she saw complaining loudly and repeatedly in such venues as Comicon.com. In the meantime, Marvel has stated that most retailers they have spoken to–the Fortune 300–like the policy just fine, thank you very much. Supposedly the Fortune 300 is far too busy making money to go on websites and make a fuss about how rosy everything is. And the only reason lesser mortals are complaining about it is, presumably, because they’re not too busy making money and so have lots of time to go around and vent about their ill treatment. “We’re too busy running our businesses to write letters or go on message boards,” we’re told.

Of course, if we carry this thought process through to its logical end, one would wonder why Marvel execs apparently have copious amounts of time to go and vent about their ill treatment at the hands of others. Why aren’t they too busy making money and running their business? Two conclusions come to mind. Either the Marvel braintrust isn’t making money and therefore has time on its hands to complain. Or the Marvel braintrust is making money, but making money is not mutually exclusive to bewailing one’s status.

But let’s not jump to conclusions, because That Would Be Bad.

So therefore, the assumption is that Heidi must be dead wrong because she presumably hasn’t spoken to nearly as many retailers as Marvel.

Maybe. Maybe not. How Marvel could possibly know this to be true, I haven’t a clue. Marvel, meantime, claims in a letter labeled “The Truth,” that they have been seeking out “reasonable input” from retailers. The thing is, “Truth” is more subjective than objective. Everyone has their own truth, but–as Sportin’ Life said–it ain’t necessarily so. Not when it comes to human perception. If the Truth were absolute, then DNA evidence would always back up eyewitness testimony and no one would ever be freed from jail. How can Truth be absolute when the United States views itself as a paragon of liberty while people trying to kill us see us as the great Satan. Someone must be wrong. But everybody’s convinced they’re right.

The term “reasonable input” is also telling. The inference I draw is that, if the input isn’t what Marvel wants to hear, it’s by definition unreasonable. For instance, retailers seem to feel that Marvel should bear some, if not most, of the risks inherent in a non-returnable market. Marvel feels the opposite to be true, thus rendering any contrary opinion automatically unreasonable and thus to be disregarded or even lampooned. Retailers, however, don’t cotton to being lampooned or having their intelligence questioned simply because they disagree or even feel as if they’re fighting for their livelihoods. Both sides seem to believe the Super-Chicken caution–”You knew the job was dangerous when you took it”–should be the other guy’s problem. With most truths, the reality probably lies somewhere in the middle.

But let’s not jump to conclusions, because That Would Be Bad.

So Marvel turns around and plays the “most” game as well. Marvel, distancing itself from “nice” publishers (presumably DC, keying off Leo Durocher’s belief that nice guys finish last), claims that “most” retailers don’t like the way nice publishers do business. Is it the same “most” that Heidi chatted with? Is this a different “most?” Who’s the most with the most? Who, in fact, has a clearer handle on the truth? I have some thoughts on the matter.

But let’s not jump to conclusions, because That Would Be Bad.

Instead let us ponder the various aspects of this question by–in the best Clintonian style–defining terms that would seem, on the surface, to be self-evident. Let’s define “most.” And let’s define “retailer.”

Marvel has spoken to representatives of the Fortune 300. Heidi has likely talked to retailers as well, although how many has not been established. Bottom line, everyone has spoken to people they know. But nobody has spoken to everybody. If every single one of the Fortune 300 adored the policy, and they were “most,” then that means there’s only 599 retailers total out there. I don’t know how many there are, but I sure hope there’s more than that. Let’s say, just for giggles, that there’s 600 retailers. If Marvel spoke to 300 and Heidi spoke to 300, no one has a clear idea of what “most” retailers really think.

Let us also consider the concept of “retailer.” Marvel may very well be told by the owners of the Fortune 300 that they’re lovin’ the way things are shaking out for them, Marvel-wise. That’s fine. But the ground level retailers–the store managers, the sales clerks, the ground pounders, the grunts–they might paint a very different picture. They’re the ones seeing first hand the lost sales on books that are sold out or damaged. They’re the ones dealing with the cranky customers. Do you think every time they have to handle the fallout from Marvel policies, they instantly get on the horn with their bosses and crab about it? Doubtful.

Nor does it seem fair or right somehow that the only retailers whose opinions count are those large enough to be worth Marvel’s time. I would like to think that every retailer, no matter how big or small, is worth Marvel’s time. Perhaps Marvel feels that way too, at some level…but that’s sure not coming across. Plus, one of Marvel’s angles seems to be extolling the virtues of publishing policies which position comics as collectibles…which chills to the spine everyone who lost a bundle in the collectible market.

But let’s not jump to conclusions, because That Would Be Bad.

Let us instead attempt to get some real, live, honest to gosh conclusions based on facts.

I’m going to conduct a poll. On line, or snail mail, either one, take your pick. The poll is directed to retailers. Only retailers, please. Don’t write in as a fan and say, “My retailer told me.” I’m not looking for hearsay. I want straight from the horse’s mouth, a simple answer to a simple question, using Marvel’s own phrasing: Do you favor Marvel’s “no overprint/no reprint” policy? Don’t say, “They have the right to do it.” No one’s talking about rights. No one’s disputing Marvel’s right to do business as they see fit. All I want to know is, “Do you favor Marvel’s no overprint/no reprint policy?”

Frankly, I’ve no idea what to expect. I’ve done this small-scale over on www.peterdavid.net, and the response was about 95% negative. But that was less than four dozen responses, and some of that was indeed hearsay. I want to do something controlled. As close to “scientific” as I can make it.

If you want to do it via snail-mail, write to PO Box 239, Bayport, NY 11705. Mark the envelope “Att: Retailer Poll.” If you want to reply on-line, I’ve set up a special e-mail account– MARVRETAILERS@aol.com.

You don’t have to go into detail about your opinions, but I’m not stupid: I know that some retailers will be outspoken, while others might be nervous (justified or not) about recriminations. I will respect all answers given in confidence. If you don’t want to be quoted in any subsequent articles or overviews of response, simply put the initials DNQ (for Do Not Quote) on either the letter or the subject line of the e-mail.

Furthermore, in order to try and get this poll out to as many folks as possible, I am giving one-time only authorization for reprinting of this column in whatever venue that anyone chooses to do so without any further permission requests, as long as the proper copyright notice and reference to its original publication in CBG is attached.

As I write this, it is October 24. Let’s give this until December 2 for all responses to be sent in.

I have absolutely no idea what sort of responses to expect. I apparently seem to be the only person in all this who doesn’t claim to know what most retailers think. I am, however, interested in finding out. I’d venture to say that most of us want to know, so we don’t jump to conclusions. Because that would be…you know…Bad.

(Copyright