Clinton, Dubya and Gore are in a tragic plane crash and the next thing they know, they're standing before God, seated upon a blindingly radiant throne. God says to Gore, "Al...what do you believe?"
Al Gore says, "Well, I believe that I really did win that election. But for whatever reason, you decided that I was not destined to serve you in that capacity, and I have since made peace with it."
God says, "Very well, Al. You may sit to my left. Bill...what do you believe?"
Bill Clinton says, "I believe I did a lot of good, made a lot of enemies, and I was undermined by my own weakness that I should have been able to rise above. I wish to find forgiveness in my heart for those who sinned against me, and would hope that they likewise could find it in them to forgive me my trespasses."
God says, "Very well, Bill. You may sit to my right. George...what do you believe?"
And George W. Bush says, "I believe you're sitting in my chair."
PAD
Posted by Peter David at May 2, 2005 05:03 PM | TrackBack | Other blogs commentingFunny I heard it years ago but with Hillary Clinton in Bush's place.
Yeah, I heard the one with Hillary as well. there was also one that had Ms Clinton going before God and being shown the clocks that stand in for each soul on Earth. Every time one sins the second hand advances one second. When she asks to see her husband's clock she is told that they use it in the office as a fan.
Badda boom! Try the veal!
Hey, did anyone else see the picture of Runsfeld with the Marvel Superheroes?
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/04/28/AR2005042801995.html?sub=AR
Conservatives will be glad to see that Spidey and Captain America support the troops. Libnerals will find solace in the fact that it really looks like Captain America is about to cold cock the Secretary of Defense. Something for everyone.
Yes, but is anyone going to be comforted by the fact that Captain America's mask looks like he's wearing a pair of Fruit of the Looms on his head?
the fact that it really looks like Captain America is about to cold cock the Secretary of Defense
Maybe because Rumsfeld reminds Cap of who 'Number One' of the Secret Empire was?
Test comments:
SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!!
ok, thats enough of that.
Comments are back but the sidebar is wrecked. Instead of other blogs, they all point to yours.
This joke was also in this month's Esquire magazine, but with members of U2 instead of Bush and Company.
Welcome to the world of "switching jokes." This is one of the time-tested routines for making old jokes new. Of course, the quality of the switch depends upon the basic quality of the joke.
For example, it has proven impossible to do a switch on the joke that used to be told about Franklin D. Roosevelt by the Republican business executives, primarily in the bar car of the New York commuter trains. (The bar car was known as "The Assassination Special," showing that the GOP had the same respect for their opponents then as today.) Now, the Republican joke:
"Did you hear? Roosevelt got shot and his wife Elenor got hit by a car on the way to the funeral."
(Uprorious Republican laughter)
See, if switched to Bush and Barbara it just isn't funny. Only the GOP can tell jokes like that and get a laugh.
Dubya, Kerry, and Nader are all in a boat.
And the boat sinks.
Who gets saved?
-- drumroll -- The nation!
Heard it first with Carter, Reagan and Anderson. I was in third grade. The joke's probably older. Still works.
I wonder who the three will be in 2008...
I always expected Cap's shield to be...I don't know...shinier?
Speaking of jokes:
A skelleton walks into a bar, he goes up to the bartender and says "Gimmie a beer and a mop"
Living in Indiana, I've gotten to hear all of the joke variants over the years featuring Bobby Knight...
A priest, a rapist, and a pedophile walks into a bar, and that's just the first guy...
-Rex Hondo-
A priest, a rapist, and a pedophile walks into a bar, and that's just the first guy...
HAH! I love short ones like that. May need a little tweaking on the punchline, otherwise ppl might be left hanging and confused and not laugh.
How bout: "A priest, a rapist, and a pedophile walks into a bar. Bartender looks up and says, 'So, you're here alone tonight?'"
Hmph. Alright, not in love with it, but alright.
What really made the priest joke for me the first time I heard it was the context. It was a priest who told it. *grin*
-Rex Hondo-
Posted by Del at May 3, 2005 12:12 PM
Clinton going to heaven... heh, that's funny.
Ah, ah, ah -- remember, "judge not lest ye be judged."
When was the last time anybody bothered with that little chestnut?
When was the last time anybody bothered with that little chestnut?
Hey, man, judge not lest ye be judged.
And I say again:
When was the last time anybody bothered with that little chestnut?
The joke does make more sense with the Hillary substitution.
[quote]Ah, ah, ah -- remember, "judge not lest ye be judged."[/quote]
Care to quote that in its original context? Or even what was acdtually said? Oh wait... then it wouldn't mean what you want it to mean. Oops.
Besides I was just laughing at Peter's joke about Clinton going to heaven. We're supposed to laugh at his jokes, right?
John Kerry walks into a bar. A horse says "Why the long face?"
The second guy says "And it's deep, too."
Posted by Del:Ah, ah, ah -- remember, "judge not lest ye be judged."
Care to quote that in its original context? Or even what was actually said? Oh wait... then it wouldn't mean what you want it to mean. Oops.
It comes from the first verse of the Seventh Chapter of the Gopsel of Matthew. I have, according to the Bible I'm using for reference, misquoted it slightly. In this Bible (a giant print edition of the New King James version from Thomas Nelson Publishers of Nashville), that verse is written as:
Judge not, that you be not judged.
The verse is part of the Sermon on the Mount, which occupies most of Chapters Five, Six, and Seven of Matthew. The Sermon on the Mount, if you don't know, was when Jesus addressed the multitudes on various topics. I'd say the verse pretty much means what it says, which is what I thought it would mean: Those who judge the worth of others for paradise may find themselves being judged.
This is reinforced by the following verse, which says:
For with what judgement you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use it, it will be measured back to you.
Excuse me, I have to go take a plank from my own eye.
Posted by Ravenwing263: When was the last time anybody bothered with that little chestnut?
Considering the importance many place on sayings attributed to Jesus, even today, there should be many people who do. But this seems to be a saying that is largely ignored.
(Ouch! The plank is back in my eye! I guess I'd better stop.)