The Lord of Time

Posted By: Peter DavidPosted On:

digresssmlOriginally published February 26, 1993, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1006

An abbreviated column is required this week, since I am working full-steam on a novel with an iron-clad deadline of February 15th.

The Beauty and the Beast song-lyric spoof seems to have gone over quite well–certainly better than top-10 lists.

So I’ve decided to run another song parody, except that this one was written by yours truly many moons ago. I’m told that it’s actually still sung in some SF circles, although I’ve never heard it myself. Then again, between comic book and Star Trek cons, I don’t get out to too straight SF cons.

At any rate, this is the ideal tune if you happen to be into (a) Doctor Who, (b) Billy Joel, and (c) a capella doo-wop. A bouncy little ditty, sung to the tune of “The Longest Time,” which I call:

“The Lord of Time”


(Lots of “oowas” and such should be tossed in to make it really effective.)

Whoah-oh-oh-oh

For a Lord of Time!

Oh-oh-oh

For a Lord of Time!


When I next return from time and space

I might have a somewhat different face

Don’t start debating:

I’ve been off regenerating.

That only happens for a Lord of Time.


When I fight my enemies again,

Master, Dalek, or the Cybermen,

It won’t surprise me,

When they do not recognize me.

That is a hazard for a Lord of Time


Whoah-oh-oh-oh

For a Lord of Time!

Oh-Oh-Oh

For a Lord of Time!


Be it body five, four, three or two,

Inside I’m still Doctor you-know-who.

When change is urgin’,

I don’t call some plastic surgeon.

No one does a face job like a Lord of Time.


When I opt to trade in some parts,

I say to myself,

“Hold on to your hearts”

Each time I seem younger than before.

If this keep up much more

I’ll wind up wearing Pampers.


I don’t know where all the time has gone.

Seems like yesterday the show came on.

I keep on travelin’,

Although my scarf’s unravelin’,

I just get off on being Lord of Time.


Year in, year out, year without end,

I’ve traveled alone,

Sometimes with a friend.

Stewardess, savage, robots and boys,

And now they’re action toys

You can find in your K-Mart.


Don’t know how much longer I will last

Maybe someday my time will have passed.

Until that day comes

I’ll keep on dodging ray guns

And go on living as a Lord of Time.

***

For a while there I was trying to get a group together to perform it at a costume call. Following the lead of the Billy Joel video, we would have had one guy as the Tom Baker Doctor (due to the scarf reference, of course) sitting there looking depressed, holding a sign reading “Time Lord Reunion.” The Master would have been sweeping up with a room, saying smugly, “They’re not coming.” And then out come guys dressed as all the various incarnations of the Doctor, and they do the number. But I never managed to pull it together.

So if anyone else ever wants to do it, feel free. See? Buy CBG, get a free costume call sketch. What a bargain.

(Another costume call sketch I’d love to see: Someone dressed as Groo, lip synching to “I’m a Wanderer,” using the sword hilt as a microphone. Or–or maybe someone dressed as the Flash, doing the entire climactic dance routine from Flashdance. Or…)

(Peter David, writer of stuff, finds it tremendously amusing that, in 1948, Dwight Eisenhower gave testimony to Congress explaining why the army should not be desegregated–and much of what he said back then is now being echoed, almost word for word, by Army brass in explaining why the ban on gays in the military should remain in force. If Harry Truman had heeded the arguments back then, Colin Powell might not be in the position of power he’s in now. As I said–amusing.)


21 comments on “The Lord of Time”

  1. I am sorry to say that I do not know the original song and I have never seen Dr Who but the mental image (or mental video) of Flash doing Flashdance made my day.

  3. Nice lyrics, PAD!

    Did you ever post your review of the recent Weeping Angels two-parter?

  4. Good one, Peter. I was glad to find out you liked Doctor Who the other day when we had a short chat about time travel.

  5. Heh. After I saw Revenge of the Sith, I did a parody of “Uptown Girl” called “Naboo Girl.” Looking back, this column may have been an unconscious influence.

    Never did get around to “He’s Always A Wookiee to Me,” though…

  6. At a recent comics convention, I was on the floor sporting a natty bow tie (because, y’know, I like wearing bow ties…) A guy came up to me and asked to take my picture, saying, “You’re the first person I’ve seen dressed up like the eleventh Doctor Who!”

    I guess that means I’ve become a cosplayer without even realizing it…but I suppose if your Dr. Who doo-wop costume group ever comes together and needs a Matt Smith analog, let me know!

  7. Omigod! Our group has a Doctor Who room at InConJunction this year, and this would be the perfect programming bit we need! Thanks, Peter! You’re the best!

  8. Just the other day, I was sharing with another ner, er, fan my theory that Willy Wonka is another renegade Time Lord.

    1. Oh, absolutely — my wife and I have thought that for years.
      .
      And then there’s Guinan. That hat could easily be bigger on the inside…

    2. I vaguely remember another old PAD “But I Digress” column wherein he posited that Mary Poppins was a Timelord…

      1. Mary Poppins makes a lot of sense: her indifference to society, her free-spirited approach to life, her kind ways, and a TARDIS shaped like an umbrella makes as much sense as one shaped like a police box (more, if you consider she can carry it around instead of always having to get back to it).

      2. No, no, no, the umbrella wasn’t the TARDIS. The TARDIS was her carpetbag. Remember how much larger it was on the inside than on the outside?
        .
        PAD

  9. I think that Snoopy is a Time Lord. His doghouse is a Tardis, which explains how he could fit a pool table, an Andrew Wyeth painting, and other things in there. Even so, he always sleeps on the roof. I can see Peppermint Patty asking Charlie Brown, “Who’s the funny looking Time Lord with the big nose?”

    For that matter, Lucy could be the Rani, and the Psychiatrist Booth is her Tardis.

  10. You know, I’ve always thought that Gary Seven was a Time Lord. Which makes “Assignment Earth” the first (and only) crossover between two series from opposite sides of the Pond.

  11. I’ve heard it, I’ve sung it, I love it. Until I did this search, I did not know who wrote it. So a belated thank you.

  12. Thanks for reposting this – I had the lyrics a few years ago (they were posted in some old usenet group, I think) but when I tried to find them again a year ago they were gone. It’s been driving me nuts – nothing worse than remembering only half the lyrics to a song!

  13. Second try (I don’t know why, but my first post got swallowed in the cyberspace):

    I just saw the DragonCon clip: Congratulations to Kathleen for the wonderful puppets. And all those applauses were deserved.

    I have to confess that I posted the link on a french forum about Doctor Who. I hope you don’t mind.

    BTW, I couldn’t help but notice that some of the verses had been changed. Could you post the updated version, if that’s not too inconvenient ? I’m sure I’m not the only one who would like to read it.

    BTW (too), what did you think of Asylum of the Daleks ? Me, I loved it. The final reveal took me completely by surprise. Didn’t see it coming. And I wonder how the translators the world over will deal with the “eggs” pun. But I woldn’t be surprised if “you know who” became a Bond Girl in the near future.

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